Friday, April 17, 2009

Jericho EATs IT

Back in July of ’07, I went to the EAT IT conference (Entrepreneurs Attending Today will Invigorate Tomorrow) and highlighted some of the best ideas here. The conference went on an economy-driven hiatus recently, but returned in all its glory last night. What follows are the 4 weirdest, coolest, most offensive and just plain awesome ideas presented at this year’s EAT IT.

(*Editor’s note – there were actually 5 companies in Jericho’s original profile but one organization, Dickos, a company that makes tacos out of the dick meat of endangered species, was recently shut down and all of its employees arrested and or deported. Due to the high ethical standards of this blog, we’ve decided not to profile Dickos in this space. However, if you ever have the chance to eat an Ocelot Dicko, we wouldn’t talk you out of it)

A Biological Calendar
The company, BioDar, has invented a monitoring system that feeds real-time updates to a Google calendar allowing for more accurate and more “sensible” meeting planning. For example, if I’m trying to schedule a meeting for 4pm today, I can enter the potential participants and be told things like, “hasn’t eaten, is bitchy” – “working on a deuce, time to drop unclear” – “has large erection, can’t stand up for at least 6 minutes.” Avoiding these types of warning signs means that meetings are more effective and efficient and ensures that a team member will never scowl at you across the room as they accept a meeting during their normal crapping time.

Building on the theory that playing music for a fetus helps heighten mental acuity, this company, Rock Your Rolls, has built wireless headphones that attach directly to the testicles, a device they call BallPhones. Offering over 100 music channels, including everything from symphonies to Ska, the company claims that music inspires the sperm, resulting in better swimmers and a higher overall count. Now, there’s obviously no way for me to really test this, but I will say this. About a week after trying the BallPhones, I was servicing myself and actually saw my yazz stop in mid air, change directions, analyze my portfolio and question why I don’t have any index funds and then disappear down the sink with a hearty “adios muchacho!”

GPS for Degenerates
Of all the life-changing technologies that have come out in the past 10 years, GPS ranks right near the top. What if you could take that same technology and apply it to real life? I mean finding a gas station or the closest historical landmark is always nice, but what about the closest weed dealer, bachelorette party or two-for-one beer special? Now you can thanks to “The TroubleFinder” - a new GPS that allows you to search for over 100 “off the grid” categories. Now, like most of you, I was a bit dubious about the accuracy here, I mean, pot dealers typically don’t advertise so how could this really work? To test it, I typed in “biggest dick in the zip code” when the TroubleFinder showed my exact location I bought one immediately.

Automatic Shower Sex Settings
You know what’s awesome? Going down on a girl in the shower. You know what’s not awesome? Drowning while going down on a girl in the shower (although, not a bad way to go comparatively). Or for the ladies, ever been giving head in the shower and been absolutely frozen by the time he Irish Springs? Say good-bye to these problems thanks to ShowerHead, a company that has developed a shower head (see, clever name, huh?) that automatically adjusts when the action starts, moving with you when you move so everyone stays warm and happy. When I asked CEO Herman Londerbees how ShowerHead recognizes the position or act and adjusts accordingly his answer was, “do you question why a finger in the ass feels so good?” No, Mr. Londerbees, no I don’t.


1 comment:

sandy mangina said...

Unicorn dickos for the win!