Friday, September 12, 2008

A few thoughts, then the weekend

By Mags and Jer:

Would you rather tie a rubber band six times (wrapping it and wrapping it) around your testicles for an entire day…

Or go see this movie…?

Based on the classic 1939 film, The Women is a comedy about contemporary womanhood in modern Manhattan society and the power of female relationships. At the center of it all is Mary Haines (Meg Ryan), a thoroughly modern woman suddenly confronted with an age-old dilemma: a cheating husband. The ladies in her life swiftly rally to Mary's side, led by her best friend, magazine editor Sylvie Fowler (Annette Bening). But when Sylvie betrays Mary in a Faustian bargain, the entire group is shaken to the core, and two women face the most painful breakup of all -- their friendship. Eva Mendes, Debra Messing and Jada Pinkett Smith also star.

What the fuck?

Oh and by the way, if Meg ever decides to write a book about her career post You’ve Got Mail, I think the best possible title would be:

How I grew so tired of people calling me Sally or Annie, I left Hollywood, adopted a Chinese baby and had so much surgery that my face looks like Dyan Cannon’s left butt cheek.

Patch got a haircut yesterday. We are now calling him KiKi. He looks like a cocktail waitress on a low priced Caribbean cruise. After a few drinks he moves his hips a bunch more and gets lipstick all over the end of his cigarette. Needless to say we're all hoping this one grows out soon.

You have to love how stupid people who write about advertising are. The ad trades have been absolutely slaughtering the new Microsoft ad with Gates and Seinfeld, mocking the company, wondering what the hell the ad was for and bemoaning the fact MSFT spent $300 million on a campaign that makes no sense. Don’t they realize that by mocking the ad they are demonstrating it’s worth? No, it doesn’t make sense, but you fucks keep blabbing about it to the point that people are talking about it – which, correct me if I’m wrong, is the fucking point of advertising in the first place? How dumb is that? That’s like wondering why the soup tastes like piss while you’re pissing in it! “This soup missed on all levels! It tastes like pee and not just any pee, my pee! I wouldn’t eat this…(tap) goddamn soup if I...(tap, tap, tap, a little stream, tap, one last burst, tap, drip, drip)...if it were the last soup on earth. Now give me a spoon damn it!”

I saw a guy on the street today wearing a full Indian headdress. This wasn’t an Indian mind you. This was a homeless black dude in a wheelchair wearing ray-bans, a navy blazer with gold buttons, rocking a full beard and, funny enough, wearing a full Indian headdress. This wasn’t the most interesting part however, you see this kind of shit every day in the city. No, the interesting part is he was screaming at a bike messenger to “turn off yo bike! Turn off yo bike!” He kept yelling that over and over. I kept walking. True story.

I’m taking Michigan and giving the points at home against the Irish. I’m taking the Chiefs at home and giving the points against the lowly Raiders. And I’m taking myself and the over on the number of times I yell “JTO…The Future is NOW!” during the game at Seattle.

I drafted Eddie Royal. I totally did. If you don’t believe me then scroll down about 7 or 8 posts ago where we discuss our teams. Everyone made fun of me when I picked him. One dude sent me a text the next day that read ‘McRoyal with Cheese?’. Well guess who’s laughing now bitches. Granted he sat on my bench week 1, I’ll admit it. This week he will start for me since Marques Colston has an owie on his thumb, even though Brandon Marshall is returning. I’m not afraid. I’m also not afraid to go after a wayward spoon in the garbage disposal while it’s still running. Yep. Big time balls on this guy right here.

I don’t care what anyone says, Spiderman is a cunt. Can you imagine if Vince Young’s mom was Jewish? Not only would he be “hurting in his heart” but he’d also be the most special, most handsome and most important boy in the universe. Forget the prospect of the first black president or the first female vice president and the significance of either of those achievements, between John McCain’s comb over and Joe Biden’s hair plugs this is a turning point for bald guys everywhere. Please watch the trailer for the Soloist, I don’t ask much. This is the early front runner for the “sloppiest sappiest cunt music themed movie” award of 2008. Taking the mantle from 2007’s August Rush and 2006’s Dreamgirls.
I think it's safe to say, fuck any movie that has the line, "he's my friend. I'm his friend" in the trailer, am I wrong? I’ve never understood why the J is only worth 8 points in Scrabble. I mean, unless a ninja is dong a jig, going for a jog or jotting down notes on a jet, you’re completely fucked, right?

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