Monday, November 5, 2007

The Football Hangover: 11/5/07

Fantasy Fuck Yous: Fuck You, Patrick Crayton. (That’s it, I had a fantastic week actually.)

Hats off to all the people who took the under and predicted a ball control, field position game in Indy yesterday. No, really, I can’t emphasize this enough, for all the people who predicted a playoff-like, control the clock, wait for the other team to make a mistake game yesterday, you know everything and you absolutely rule.

There are two types of QBs that win Super Bowls and we saw the defining version of each on the field yesterday, 1) the cocky, bigger-than-life superstar and 2) the affable, goofy, gym rat football nerd. Think about it, every QB that’s won a Super Bowl (and by “won” I mean played a crucial, definitive role, so guys like Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson don’t count) and they inevitably fit into one of these two categories. The cocky, bigger-than-life Brady is just like the Montanas, Elways, Favres and Aikmans of the world, teammates respond to him and rally around him because he’s the coolest guy in the room and knows it, but he’s vain in a friendly way, he knows all their wife’s names and stops to chat whenever he can. The affable, super, duper fucking nerd Peyton is just like the Youngs, Roethlisbegers and Warners of the world, teammates respond to him because he’s their incredibly gifted, nerdy younger brother, they probably put him in headlocks and give him wedgies, but would throw haymakers if anyone outside the circle did the same.

Look at this list you can put every winning QB into one of these categories.

I think we learned just as much about the Colts as we did about the Patriots on Sunday. They’re a physical defense, especially the corners, but you can still beat them with a physical running game and by taking a few shots down field. On offense, they badly need a healthy Marvin Harrison, if only to make the tough catch on third and 6. Wayne is a playmaker down the field and Clark can exploit matchups with linebackers, but if Harrison is out, who does Peyton trust on third down?

One last thought on Peyton and Brady, isn’t it interesting that these guys have completely switched roles since the last time they played? For years, Brady was the game manager, chipping away, nine minutes drives and final lines like 23-34, 191, 2, 0. Peyton was putting up massive numbers, throwing 45 times a game and causing million of fantasy owners to build shrines to his dumb mule-fucking face. In 2007 the roles have completely reversed, amazing.

I told you to keep away from four teams this year: The Giants, Vikings, Jags and Chiefs. The combined record of the four: 18-14. Whoops.

I told you to watch four teams this year: Cowboys, Packers, Broncos and Steelers. The combined record of the four: 21-8. Decent. That number will get better after PITT ear holes Baltimore tonight.

Shaun Alexander Watch:
The Bet: 1500 yards and 15 tds
Season So Far: 492 yards and 2 tds
Projection: 984 yards and 4 tds

Now he’s hurt too. This is shaping up to be the worst bet I ever made. Way worse than that time I bet Magglio that he couldn’t fit an entire can of chili up his ass. Watching Magglio prove me wrong was pretty bad, Shaun shitting himself for 17 straight weeks is worse.

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