Monday, October 29, 2007

The Football Hangover: 10/29/07

Fantasy Fuck Yous: Fuck You, Jamal Lewis. Fuck You, Chad Pennington. Fuck You, Plaxico Burress.

Question: Was Tom Brady always this good and he just had a bunch of crappy receivers or is he simply playing out of his head this year? A little bit of both, right? Also, you have to hand it to Belichick, not only the best strategist in the league, but by far and away the best motivator. Every team is going to lose focus once or twice a year, that’s just human nature, but Belichick has his team totally on message and on track, they’ve all bought into the “everyone is questioning our success, let’s ass fuck the shit out of them!” mantra and it’s working.

Here’s my latest conspiracy theory: Pete Carroll already has a deal in place to be the coach and GM of the Chargers. The SD brass offered him the full package last summer, but he waffled a bit and they offered the job to Turner out of desperation, worried that they’d be left without a coach if they waited any longer. Carroll regrets that he passed and is dying to prove he can succeed in the NFL, his heart isn’t in the college game anymore and that’s why USC has lost twice this year. They have the most talent in the country and should be #1 right now, they’re losing b/c their coach is drawing up plays for Shawne Merriman at halftime. Carroll will be the main man in SD by April, guaranteed.

I think we all need to calm down about the Giants. Yes the D is playing out of its mind, yes they have a solid running game, yes Eli has stopped crying on the sideline and yes they’ve run off 6 straight victories. But let’s take a step back here, their 6 wins were against Washington (crapping blood this morning), Philly (a mess), The Jets (dog shit), Atlanta (horse shit), Niners (elephant shit) and the Dolphins (shit shit). Combined records of those 6 teams: 10-33. They’ve played two legitimate teams this year, the Cowboys and the Packers and gave up a combined 80 points, so let’s take a deep breath here before we say they’re a top 5 team. Coughlin will lose that locker room at some point, it’s like daylight saving’s time or waking yourself up with a gross fart after roadside tacos, it happens every time.

I told you to keep away from four teams this year: The Giants, Vikings, Jags and Chiefs. The combined record of the four: 17-12. Whoops.

I told you to watch four teams this year: Cowboys, Packers, Broncos and Steelers. The combined record of the four: 19-7. Decent. My stay away picks look pretty shit right now, but hey, at least I got the Pack right.

Sean Alexander Watch:
The Bet: 1500 yards and 15 tds
Season So Far: 460 yards and 2 tds
Projection: 1051 yards and 5 tds

Fuck. Thank God I traded him.


Anonymous said...

Please don't forget Santana Moss in the Fantasy Fuck Yous

Anonymous said...

Oh definitely, Santana gets his own "Fuck You" section, but luckily I traded him off my team two weeks ago. But, by all means, "fuck you" him as much as you please.