Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ball Diary

Hi there, Jericho’s twins here. Jericho is still on vacation mode so he asked us if we wanted to handle today’s post. Normally we’d say no, we’re a wreck unless we get at least 23 hours of sleep a day, but we’ve had a lot on our mind lately. See, Jericho and Mrs. Royall recently went on a romantic jaunt through Central America and Jericho thought it would be a good idea to completely shave us for the trip. We weren’t opposed to the idea at first, but then it got weird, our hair grew back unevenly and we just wanted to get back to being happy and hairy.

We imagine that the tens of you reading this might be thinking about beautifying your pair, or maybe you already do, but have you actually stopped to consider what your beanbag thinks of this? What about our feelings?!

We kept a diary during of our recent balding experience so you can see first hand how each step of this process affects us. Maybe this will deter you maybe it won’t, but fuck it, Jericho said we could write today’s post and this is what you’re getting.

Day 1
We’re huge! This feels incredible! Other than being stuck to a leg 90% of the time, this is amazing! We’ll destroy Mrs. Royall. In fact, we’ll take on anyone in the room. Hey, lady getting water, want to drink something really delicious? Hey, UPS lady, forget brown, want to see what balls can do for you? Hey 9 yr old boys playing hacky sack, want to feel something even softer on the back of your neck?

Day 3
Fuck, we’re itchy. We’ve heard of chin stubble, but ball stubble? We look like a couple of little George Clooneys.

Day 6
Man, what’s wrong with our hair? Why is it growing back so sporadically? We look like fat babies. And not the good-looking c-section babies either; but big, disheveled, for-the-love-of-God-put-a-tit-in-our-mouths babies.

Day 8
This is starting to feel a bit better, but why is there a bald patch towards the lower left half? We’ve got a serious nuthawk going right now. Is it all going to come back? We’re half afro, half bald spot, we look like Donovan McNabb.

Day 12
Thank God. Furry and friendly. We look Abe Vigoda’s eyebrows and that’s how we like it.


Anonymous said...

welcome back jericho's balls

Uncle Icee said...

Uncle Icee grooms regularly and has grown to love it. It's kind of like when you were in highschool and drank your first beer. You probably said to yourself, "Seriously? this stuff is gross, but once you powered through it, you may have ended up in rehab"

Anonymous said...

As you may not know many of us at Soon To Be Dead Retirement Home on Post Street regularly enjoy your jocularity. Along with "Easily Chewable Recipes by Ramon" and "Pre-Planning Your Funeral Can Be Funner Than Bingo" you are one of our favorite blogging people. You really tickle our funny bones.
He He!
This blog was a classic. Well done young man.