Apples & Moustaches: Risky Business

Monday, March 9, 2009

Risky Business

As you can surely tell by now, Magglio is the CEO, COO, EVP, SVP and VP of Apples & Moustaches and I’m the director of suck my fucking dick. Magglio raises the blog, cooks for it, bathes it, coaches its baseball and soccer teams – I buy it beer and show it porn. Magglio makes sure the blog is a finely tuned, well-oiled machine; I make sure the blog has the confidence and bravado to do other blogs in the butt. Magglio is “Finding Nemo” and I’m “Finding Nemo with a Face Full of Fish Pussy.”

Now, you might read that last paragraph and think it’s just a subtle way of calling Magglio a swollen labia in public – but that’s only part of it. Magglio is in Argentina for the next few weeks and everyone – myself included – is asking the same question: what the hell is going to happen to A&M when Mama is gone? Will there be new posts everyday? Will all of you who stumbled on our site because you can’t spell Mesnick and Magglio is smart enough to know you are dumb enough to Google Meznick, leave when you don’t see Magglio's usual fare of the Bachelor, the Giants and Patch’s outfits? What is Jericho capable of without being constantly censored by Mama Mags?

I have no idea either. I’ll tell you one thing though. It’s going to get ugly.

My parents are gone, want to come over and nail Rebecca De Mornay on my couch?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Release the beast!; March 9, 2009 at 1:07 PM

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We are Apples and Moustaches

1. Magglio is the handsome one. Jericho is the angry one.
2. We’re dead on with our Box Office predictions. But we only do those during the summer when there are good movies out. I mean, who gives two shits about ‘27 dresses’. We’re also deadly accurate with our Oscar guesses. A word to the wise; never get into a betting situation with Jericho around Oscar time. Trust me on this.
3. We are West Coast centric. When it’s all said and done we want West Coast sports team to horse fuck East Coast sports teams. It’s just the way it goes. Even if that means rooting for a sissy team like Washington State or the Lakers, we’ll do it. That’s just the kind of guys we are.
4. We post once a day. Sometimes twice a day. And if we’re both too hungover then we’ll just put up pictures of hot chicks to fill the space.
5. Magglio once tried to eat a large Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza from Pizza Hut in one hour. He came up half a piece short. He has no question in his mind if he tried it again he could finish the whole pizza, no problem.
6. Our whole goal is to make each other laugh. That’s it. If you don’t like what you’re reading then fuck off. If you love what you’re reading then spread our link all over the blogosphere so we can quit our stupid day jobs.
7. Magglio loves The Hills, Matt Cain/Tim Lincecum and Soy Lattes. Jericho hates baseball and people who use the word "humorous", loves football, movies and has only 5 friends, admittedly by choice.
8. In their lifetime, Magglio and Jericho have gotten in two sanctioned* fist fights with each other. Each won one of the contests with the loser puking in the back yard.
9. We both support Barrack Obama. However, if John Clayton would have been on the ballot undoubtedly that’s where our vote would have gone.
10. We both consider the NFL Draft Day, our fantasy draft day and the Super Bowl as the greatest days of the year. Without question. Better than our birthdays. And better than Christmas.
*We only had 1 set of gloves but luckily Magglio is a righty and Jericho is a lefty. We also were both wasted when the fights took place. Magglio did knock his ass out though. Bitch.