Fuck it. I’m 36,008 feet in the air. I’ve had a couple xanax, a sparkling water and just finished watching Michael Jackson’s This is It. The captain has turned on the fasten seat belts sign, which means any minute now, I’ll be clutching my arm rests convinced that these will be the last moments I’ll ever spend alive. Call me inspired. It’s time to write a post.
What I’ve been up to since we last spoke:
*I finished ‘Eating Animals’ by Jonathan Safran Foer and haven’t picked up another book since.
* I gained about 10 pounds.
* I shared an hour long cab ride with Rachel Hunter. The best part was when she talked so I could stare at her without it being weird.
* I traveled for business for 5 weeks straight. I swear it took 20 years off my life.
* I told Ricky Watters about the poster I had of him hanging over my bed when I was a kid that said “Running Watters.” Then we talked about Niners football.
* I had moments where I did nothing but thank God for how fortunate I am in life. These moments usually directly followed time spent with my wife.
* I misinterpreted a joke about me on a company email and replied to all after a heavy night of drinking which did nothing but further expose my greatest flaw in business. I’m too sensitive.
* I flaked on a good friend of mine for the 2nd time in a row. I still feel awful about it. The stars just didn’t align. Next time dude.
* I still haven’t seen Jericho, which is officially the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other in 7 years, or the last time we lived in separate cities. Inexcusable. On so many levels.
* I went Vegan for 4 days.
* I promised a friend I’d send him ‘The Adderall Diaries’ by Stephen Elliot. It’s been sitting on my desk for about 6 weeks now. I'll get around to that shortly.
* I listened to Bright Eyes more than any other artist on my iPod. Well, Bright Eyes, Fleet Foxes and Them Crooked Vultures, to be honest.
* I haven’t seen Avatar and probably never will.
* I had a conversation with January Jones, and then paused mid-conversation to turn to my wife and tell her, while pointing at Miss Jones, “I’m going to impregnate this woman.” Classy guy.
* My elementary school crush finally admitted that she should’ve dated me in the 6th grade. No shit Lisa.
* I got drunk and danced with my French friend Jon. A friend I hadn’t seen in about 5 years. That’s what life’s all about.
* I delivered hundreds of gently used designer suits to a charity for at-risk men trying to get back on their feet. Maybe that's what life's all about.
* I spent 45 minutes reading an US Weekly, a new personal best for me.
* I spent 4 hours at John Varvatos in New York and can now say, with confidence, I have all the clothes I need.
* I never called Brett back. I can be so selfish sometimes.
* I put an offer on a house and was outbid.
* I told Russell Brand that he was, well, Russell Brand. He said, and I quote, “Yes I am. What’s up loc?”
* I claimed that Robin Wright Penn would be nominated for Best Actress in The Private Life of Pippa Lee. I was wrong.
* I saw original Banksy street art appear overnight.
* I told a model she should try on the Gucci dress instead of the Armani one because it would probably make her legs look better. I was right.
* I bought myself a new pair of socks. Red and grey striped. Paul Smith. Gangster.
* I drank the 2nd, 3rd and 4th Bloody Mary’s of my life. Then proceeded to drink the rest of New Year’s Day away. Fuck that one was a doozy.
* I struggled when asked on more than one occasion to name my top 5 celebrity crushes. I’ve since committed myself to figuring it out so I don’t run into that situation again. Stay tuned.
* I didn’t get a single hair cut.
* I asked Chris Cooley if he’d ever read Apples & Moustaches. He hadn’t. Damn.
* I skipped most of the AFC Championship game to watch a documentary about a Danish-Korean comedy troupe sent to North Korea on a cultural exchange program with the ultimate goal of exposing the atrocities that occur in the Kim Jong-Ill regime. And I learned a little more about myself in the process. Just kidding. I wanted to see what it would feel like to be Rick Reily. It sucked.
* I went from $278.29 cents in my online gambling account to $0.29 in a matter of 2 weeks.
* I defended Snooki when someone said she shouldn’t have her own TV show. She should. End of argument.
* I heard from a lot of fucking cool people that they missed our blog these past few weeks. Which absolutely made my day every time I heard it. Fuck it. We're back. Let's keep this party going.