Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Do you have that in an XXL?

I got dragged to some clothing stores recently. Not just any clothing stores. Girls clothing stores. It was pretty painful. All that lilthe fair music and boxes of 'hanky pankys'. But I kept my eyes and ears open, just for you. Luckily I survived. Here is what I came out with:

Five observations from shopping at girly clothing boutiques.

1. The chicks who work at these places are usually hot. There, I said it. Gentlemen, it’s worth going into these stores if nothing more than to stare at hot chicks. I’m telling ya, if you’re single, wander into a clothing boutique and pretend that you’re looking for something for your sister. They’re helpful and they appreciate your interest in their girl type things. Not that I go to these stores trying this. Cause I don’t. I swear. But I’m assuming this could work.

2. No matter what you buy, they will wrap it up in little tissue paper with ribbons and stuff it in a girly little bag. There’s absolutely nothing cool about this. It’s just an observation. Moving on.

3. Hands down girls have better clothes and shoes than we do. I wonder if that explains transvestites. Guys have pants and shirts and shoes. And a jacket perhaps. Chicks? Crazy straps on a dress that looks like a shirt but could be a dress but is actually a belt. I’m telling ya. You want to be creative with clothes? Your only option is in the woman’s department.

4. Girl’s stuff is EXPENSIVE. I looked at a shirt that had enough fabric to fit a 5 year old and the price tag was well over $300. Are you kidding me? This is where guys come out on top. We don’t have the creativity but we don’t get hosed on spending 3 bills on plain white t-shirts. Suckers.

5. Despite the overwhelming scent of blueberries and sparkles eminating from these stores…you can’t sniff any of the clothing. It’s not allowed. Take my word for it. You’ll be asked to leave the store immediately.

Apologies for the sporadic posting. I've ventured to my hometown tonight as part of my extended vacatation/magglio world tour. (Coming soon to a town near you.) I'm going back to my high school to watch an important varsity baseball game tomorrow. No seriously. High School baseball, can you feel the excitement? I'm planning on sneaking in some beers and see if the ol' "hey batta-batta" still rattles those pussies from the other team. Go Trojans!

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