Monday, May 12, 2008

Holla we want pre-nup!

Where to begin…I know one thing for sure. You should take a break. Take a vacation. Take some time off. You deserve it. I’ve been on a bender that redefines benders. What’s that you say? It’s Monday afternoon? Sweet. Cannonball coming….

Some Apples and Moustaches for your viewing pleasure….

Are you fucking kidding me with the tattoo that Nick Cannon got? Look, marrying that big bitch is one thing. Sure, we’d all like to play a little slap and tickle with Mariah’s ta-dang-a-dangs…but get a gigantic Tattoo across your back of her name? Are you kidding me? How long have they been dating? 1 month?! Can you imagine waking up next to Mariah Carey in 10 years from now? She’d look like a cross between John Madden and Angela Lansbury.

Jericho chimed in: "What will he do during thier first fight? Get cosmetic surgery so his face looks like hers? "I love you baby, look, we both white bitches now"

Pop Quiz (answers below)

Q1) What do you, me, Shaun Alexander and Koren Robinson all have in common?
Q2) What do Roger Clemens, Hillary Clinton and the Patriots starting LBs have in common?
Q3) How many fingers am I holding up?

The finale for the Bachelor is tonight. I’ve made it this far so I have to watch the final episode. With any luck he’ll pick both of them and swing a threesome. Five bucks says he uses the term ‘bangers and mash’ to seal the deal. You get it? He’s British. No? Look, I’m the only straight male watching this God damned show? Let me have my moment.

I refuse to input any personal information into my Facebook profile besides my music interests. That is how I would like people to judge me. Here is what I’ve listed so far…(a never ending work in progress to say the least.)

*The White Stripes, TV on the Radio, The Beatles, Radiohead, The Raconteurs, Dave Matthews, Elliot Smith, Red Square, Cold War Kids, Bright Eyes, Nirvana, Stevie Wonder, Jay-Z, Sunset Rubdown, Bob Dylan, Eminem*

Now judge me bitches.

Quiz answers:
A1) We currently get paid the same amount of money for our football “talents”.
A2) They’re all old, losing a step and finding out what it’s like when people don’t give a shit about you anymore.
A3) Two. And bonus points if you said my index and ring finger.

No comments: