Thursday, May 1, 2008
Freedom. Confusion. Laughter. Repeat.
I’ve fallen out of touch with my readers. This is the only conclusion I can make at this point. I am no longer chained to my computer all day long, thus, I can’t relate to your pain. Why is this? Because as I mentioned yesterday, I ain’t got shit to do. Well known A&M reader and frequent masturbator Uncle Icee once told us we did a great job speaking to the younger working male demographic. Well, guess what? I am no longer in that demographic.
My days are spent chilling, kicking it, attempting to be somewhat productive and then chilling again. The freedom is mind numbing at times. Sometimes I shower. Most times I don’t. Lots of times I just go for walks with Patch and try to figure out what other people are doing. You know those times when you duck out of work mid-day for one reason or another? Maybe to run an errand. Maybe to grab a coffee. And you see those people milling about with no real sense of urgency…well, I’m one of them now. I’ve joined that group of people. The waiters. The “sales” folks. The unemployed. The elderly. The children. The weirdos.
Hell, I just walked around for 30 minutes cause I wasn’t sure what I wanted to have for lunch. You probably packed a little sandwich, a bag of carrots and a YooHoo for your lunch. I just watched back-to-back episodes of Parental Control on MTV…both with lesbian couples! You probably just got out of back-to-back meetings where people used business jargon just to sound more official. “Yes, we’ll need you to spearhead the initiatives towards cleaning up the conference room table. It looks a bit dirty.” I’m not quite sure what day it is today. You could tell me the exact date of next Wednesday without even hesitating….cause you’ve got an important meeting that day I’m sure.
I spent 9 hours at the ballpark yesterday. I got a bizarre sun burn on one side of my knee. I spent 45 minutes after the game reviewing the telecast on DVR to see if I was on TV. (I was. Email me if you want to see the pics…firstname.lastname@example.org.) How can I begin to relate to you, my faithful reader, when I am nothing like you? Drastic? Perhaps. Truthful? Absolutely. Maniacal? Wait, what does maniacal mean again?
(Part inner monologue, part plea to Jericho, part “conclusion” for this pointless, rambling post.) Look, be patient. My routine has changed. That’s all. I still eat, sleep, breath and find attraction to the slutty, likely disease riddled chick in the picture above, just like all of you. So hang in there. Two and a half weeks to go until I’m back to the grind. Enjoy the freedom for now. And if it means less posts, or less quality posts, so be it. Now back to my day. I’ve got a lot of things going on. Important things. Like bitching out Comcast. Calling into sports talk radio shows. Planning vacations etc. Oooh look there’s a Deadliest Catch marathon about to start. Gotta go.