Wednesday, May 7, 2008

A few Apples & Moustaches




Apple:
I saw Baby Mama last weekend. It was good not great. It was complete but not ridiculously funny. Tina Fey is a fantastic writer and Amy Poheler is really funny. But it never got to the level of ground breaking, or must-see funny. I thought the best parts were in the trailer which is always dissapointing. Plus, no Kristen Wiig. That blows.


Moustache:
I read the sports page every single morning. Without question. It started when I was probably about 6 years old. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up. Well, almost the first thing I do. Skipping the morning read disrupts my whole day and sends me in to a whirlwind of confusion, discomfort and disorientation. Like a chick on Rock of Love after being in a hot tub with Bret Micheals. There’s a certain satisfaction I get in having a grasp on yesterday’s news. Even in the age of the internet and ESPNews streaming content 24/7 my day is just not right until I’ve read the sports page.


Apple:
Here’s a story about what a dickhead Karl Malone is. This is fantastic. Not the story, but the fact that someone is finally pointing a finger at Karl Malone calling him a shit bag. I’ve never liked Karl Malone and I’ve never trusted him either. I always knew he was a scumbag.


Moustache:
If you’ve seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall then there are generally two observations you walk away with. First, there are entirely too many frontal male nudity shots. I get it. It’s shock value. It pushes the envelope. It’s memorable (I guess.) But one would have been enough. The rest were just gratuitious. Second, how fucking hot is Mila Kunis? I’m serious. We always knew she was pretty on That 70’s Show. But holy shit. She looks incredible in this movie. Maybe it’s the orangish tan or her laid back character but she makes Kristen Bell look like Jessica to her Ashlee Simpson.


Apple:
Wait. What the fuck? I know I’m way behind. But I’ve been out of the loop the past week or so. Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon? Are you serious? That’s one way to advance your career. But for which one I’m not sure?


Moustache:
Rick Ankiel is a badass. Micah Owings is a badass. Chien Ming Wang is a badass. Chipper Jones is a badass. Chase Utley is a badass. And of course, Tim Lincecum is a badass. Today we officially start our campaign for Lincecum to start the All-Star game for the NL. And of course, good luck tonight to Barry Zito. Starting again after his stint/non-sting in the bullpen for a few days. I guess I can’t even figure out what would happen if he blew up again tonight. It’s not even possible. So my fingers are crossed for 6IP, 5h, 3er, 5so. Stay tuned, 4:05pm first pitch.


2 comments:

opposite_prime said...

That Karl Fuckbag Malone story makes me sick. How the fuck can someone do that? Maybe I'm just a little pissy this morning, but I can't go a whole fucking work day without missing my daughter awfully. Fucking douche, and fuck all other dick dads that pull that bullshit. Good for Bell, that's some serious shit to overcome, and then get drafted and get a chance in the NFL? Awesome.

sa said...

magglio, i can't believe you admitted that you didn't know about mariah and nick before now. just for that, you lose at our pop culture game for the next year and a half.