Little Joey Gets the Potties

Who’s having what?
by Magglio and Jericho


Dustin Pedroia: A lemondae with a lemon twist in a SpongeBob sippy cup

Tim Lincecum: A Miller High Life, in the bottle

Dante Stallworth: A 40…because it's the easiest to drive with.

Shawn Merriman: Gasoline chased with lighter fluid in one of those party yard sticks you find all over Daytona Beach during Spring Break.

Josh McDaniels: His own piss. They offered him Cristal but he turned it down.

Albert Haynesworth: Whatever you're drinking. Because Albuurth wants it, and he wants it now.

Phil Micklelson: A chocolate milkshake with chocolate sprinkles, chocolate chips, chocolate bunnies and a dash of protein, because you know, he's an athlete and all

Shaq: Shaqtastical liquidicious poured over Shaqubes (translation: ice water)

Peyton Manning: Gatorade because Peyton Manning is one of those people who succeed early and just keep going. He had plenty of background and motivation for his football career, with his father and two brothers having played football. But a famous name won't help if you haven't got the inner discipline and motivation to succeed yourself. And that's where Peyton Manning stands out. (p.s. that's verbatim from Gatorade's Web site, you may now vomit)

Dwight Howard: Holy water (editor's note, Yao Ming also drinks holy water except his comes from a butthole)

Reggie Bush: Coke Zero. He used to drink Coke, but switched to Coke Zero b/c he felt more comfortable drinking something that never lived up to its hype

Kobe Bryant: A Screaming Viking. Bartenders actually hate making these, but Kobe forces them to.

Mark Cuban: Maker’s Mark mixed with Cuban rum. While drinking he repeats to himself “I am Mark Cuban. I am Mark Cuban.”

Curt Shilling: A Bloody Mary made from Christ’s blood and the tears of migrant field workers.

Vince Young: Sprite, Pepsi, Gatorade, basically anything with a recognizable brand and a shiny label (Vince Young can't read)

Joey Harrington: Chamomile Tea. But never before bedtime. It gives Joey the potties.

Coach K: One and a half ounces of bourbon with 2 sugar cubes, stirred once with a blue straw, counter clockwise and poured into a 3 oz, symmetrical cocktail glass.

Marshawn Lynch: Hennessy and Maple Syrup over Ice…’cause Marshawn just don’t give a FUCK!




III

Hot Studs with Moustaches

Foreword: Everything you’re about to read in this post is entirely true. Except for the part about the donkey. That’s only half true.

We have some handy dandy tracking tools set up on our site (NERD ALERT). Nothing that makes us important or cool by any means. But enough that we can tell roughly where and how readers found A & M. Let’s take for instance search. Did you know if you Google the words “Shaun Alexander’s Vagina” then our blog pops up first? Amazing isn’t it? (If you don’t have a lot of time today you can stop reading now. This is in fact the coolest statistic of all. I cannot tell you how proud this makes us. I feel like we’ve finally done something right in this world.)

Of course if you search “Apples Moustaches” you’ll find us, but a misspelling like “Apples and Mustaches” will send you elsewhere. Searching for “Apples Blog Magglio” leads you to our site but “Jericho is a ball sniffer,” unfortunately, will not. Now here’s where it gets really interesting. These are actual terms users have typed in recently which have lead them to our site. Again, we are not making any of this up.

• Gay Boots and Moustaches

• Funny Arnold Lines

• Russell Crowe with Moustache

• Professional real looking moustache movie moustache

• Shitty looking real estate

• Elijah Woods Moustache

• Fuzzies Pizza

• Gary Radnich

• Raconteurs at Bimbos

• Hot Studs with Moustaches

Here are terms that will not lead you to our site but we secretly wish would.

• Sweet candied yams

• Fucking coastist bastards

• Bloggers with big ol’ donkey dicks

• One-eyed Patch

• Bam Bam Willis in your ear bitch

• LinceCain

• Josh’s underpants

• The Great John Bowker
  

• Is Mily Cyrus hot or is she too young for us to even be asking the question?

• Jackie Joyner Kersee