Since You've Been Gone...

Dear Jericho –

I realize you’ve only been gone for about 48 hours but so many things have happened I thought I’d pen a letter. I spent the most time trying to figure out what song should be playing while you read this letter. I wanted the music to signify importance like the end of a Growing Pains episode when Mike Seaver and his trusty side kick Boner realize that even though they didn’t come in first place they learned a valuable lesson along the way. Not sure what that song should be. But you get the idea. I also know for a fact, that when you’re reading this, the edges of the screen (the audience's TV screen mind you) will be slightly cloudy like a glamor shot taken at a mid range mall portrait studio.

Here's what's been going on since you've been gone....

I watched “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee”:
Dude, this was a great movie. If Robin Wright Penn doesn’t get nominated then it proves I don’t know shit about the Oscars. And Blake Lively turns in a surprisingly good performance, not to mention there’s a great sequence where she gets spanked while dressing up in different ‘Halloween’ costumes. Totally fucking hot. While I really enjoyed the movie I have to say two things threw me off

1) Keanu Reeves. Yes. Keanu Reeves is in the movie and at one point wears a t-shirt that just says ‘What?’ on it. Almost too good to be true. But it is true. I paused the movie just to be sure. And...

2) There’s some fuzzy math going on where Blake Lively dates Alan Arkin and then they fast forward in time and Robin Wright Penn is the older version of Blake Lively now married to Alan Arkin and we’re supposed to believe it all just works. Sound confusing? It is. Enough that I again had to pause the movie and try to do some quick math about everyone’s ages before my wife finally told me to just go with it and press play. So I pressed play. But it still irks me today.


I watched "Pirate Radio":
Great movie. I can’t tell if the fact that I went 2 for 2 on good movies says more about my ability to easily be entertained or more about the quality of the 2 movies I saw. Doesn’t matter. This is Phillip Seymour Hoffman as we love and know him. Not ‘Boogie Nights’ PSH which will never again exist, but 'Almost Famous' PSH. Funny, Confident while still being aware of his girth, engaging, charming…he was perfect. You gotta see this movie. I think you’d really like it. (That goes for you too Dad. This movie is right up your ally. Great music and hot chicks. Sorry though, no nudity).


Chargers, Colts, Saints, Vikings, Update:
Let me see if I can break this down for you. The Chargers are peaking at the perfect time. The Colts benched Peyton and chose to slow their peak which practically gave Chris Berman a hemorrhoid on national TV. Saints are imploding right before our eyes and the Vikings have now realized what it means to have 46-year old Brett Favre as your quarterback this late in the season. Oh yeah, the Seahawks still fucking suck. I'm putting money down on the Packers.


Your Fantasy Championship game:
First, the bad news. You lost by about 15 points. Now the good news. You had no business making it this far anyways. We both know that. You started Devonne Bess in the championship game for fuck’s sake. Desean played like Desean and Gore did the best he could be let’s be honest, your team sucked. Congrats on 2nd place. Now we have to take a whole off-season of listening to Moody’s dumbass gloat.


JP’s Birthday next year:
We came up with a KILLER idea for Jammy Pants' birthday next year…wait for it….The Maui Invitational! Boom. They just announced that Washington will be participating next year and it’s the week of Thanksgiving which is also her birthday week. What could be better? Hawaii? Huskies? Patch in a bikini? Get ready buddy.


In Burges:
Great movie posts last week. The chatter has been fantastic. I still get people sending me emails and IM’s wanting to talk about your list. Little do they know I had nothing to do with it besides agreeing with your number 1 pick. As you know, you need to watch In Burges when you get back and let our readers know what you think. Not only did one of our readers, Bryan, deem it the best movie in the history of the uinverse but KK practically gave him a written hummer by confirming that it was a good movie. Remember how much KK loves Colin Farrell? Man KK can be such a pussy sometimes.


Caity being Caity:
Caity still hasn’t sent in her new post. I think she’s dooshing again. Or Tahoe finally figured out where Atlanta is and they’re making loud, drunken monkey love now. Gross.


I miss you fag. There, I said it.

xoxo, Magglio




III