Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Just a bit outside...

Box Office Results for 5/15/2009

Angels & Demons
Prediction: $57 million
Actual: $46 million

Star Trek
Prediction: $39 million
Actual: $43 million

- Not my greatest weekend by any stretch of the imagination, missing Angels & Demons by $11m and Star Trek by $4m. I can promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any blogger in the entire country study movies as hard as I will study for the rest of the movie season. You will never see someone push Box Office Mojo as hard as I will push it for the rest of the summer. You will never see a blog get as many box office predictions right as this site will for the rest of the season. God Bless.

- I said on Friday that I didn’t really have logic for my Angels & Demons prediction – well, I did, sorta. Da Vinci had sold 81 million copies when it was released into theaters, A&D had sold 60 million as of last Friday – so I guessed that the movie returns would echo the books sales and come in around $20 million less. I was wrong. Why didn’t I mention this on Friday? That’s easy; I wanted to talk shit about how fucking smart I was after the fact. I’ll give you a totally insane and illogical analogy. Let’s say you’re at a bar and you overhear a PYT talking about how bad she feels that her grandma is single and isn’t dating anyone. So you strut over and very coolly ask her to smell your finger. When she does and looks at you quizzically, you very slyly add, “that’s Judi Dench, she rode this all day.” Maybe it works, maybe but it doesn’t, but you are completely revered by your buddies if it does. So yes, my sin is vanity, I wanted to be revered and used Judi Dench’s pussy to do it.

- As I mentioned on Friday however, the real draw for A&D is overseas, the movie opened with almost $105m internationally, a massive haul. It should easily get to $300m and right around #50 all time.

- Star Trek is kicking ass right now – a very miniscule 42% drop on its way to $43 million and almost $150 million through ten days. The international #s are starting to pick up a little too - $70 million through two weeks for almost $220m total.

- Goodbye Gladiator from the top 100 all-time and welcome, Monsters vs. Aliens, with $191m. Other movies in trouble of dropping out this year, Grease, Men in Black II and Toy Story.

- This week brings Terminator 4 and Night at the Museum 2. Two movies that prove one of the oldest theories about how movies get approved / made in Hollywood: a bunch of executives have an enormous circle jerk around a pile of DVDs on the floor – if two of them nut on the same one, they make a sequel. If three of them squirt on the same one, they make a prequel. And if someone inexplicably rips his dick off and eats it they make Terminator 4.



tahoesanta said...

That's Madame Judi Dench to anyone whose last name is not Royall.

Gotta go. I have a liver transplant I'm late for.

Gentleman John said...

Jericho, while no one can sincerely doubt your prediction-abilities, your taste is seriously in question.

The only thing jerk-off related about Terminator is how much of a boner the trailer gives anyone with a twig and berries.