An up and down kinda day

Today was a rollercoaster ride. I had some pretty high highs and some pretty low lows. One minute I was king of the world the next I was nothing more than a damsel in distress. I kept track. Cause that’s what I do. Here’s a recap of my ups and downs on this lovely Wednesday….


Down
Our very own Jericho got swarmed and stung by a rabid pack of angry bees this morning. He was stung somewhere between 8-10 times including one on his head. All day I had to deal with IMs like “my head’s throbbing fag” and “remember when I got stung by bees fag?”


Up
It’s Sports Illustrated and US Weekly day! I’m man enough to admit that I read US Weekly but I always get sloppy seconds on that one. The SI? That’s all mine. There’s something so refreshing about being the first to read a magazine. I’ve been parading mine around tonight like it was the fucking prom queen. Washington is ranked 70th overall in the preseason poll. I’ve yet to find if Jake Locker is getting Heisman mention in the issue. He sure as shit better be.


Down
The mold growing out of the garbage when we got home tonight. We found the root of the problem. Corn on the cob. Or, just the cob. But before you think that we’re messy please note we had corn on Monday night. That’s two days. Who knew that mold could grow like that after just two days.


Up
The red, white and blue sweatband we plan to put around Patch’s mid-section all day on Friday to commemorate the start of the Olympic games. We also decided that we’re gonna playing drinking games during the opening ceremonies. The only rule we have so far is to take a drink anytime they show an Asian person.


Down
My motherfucking calculator. I’m telling ya, at work I have the worst calculator in the history of the world. This is the kind of calculator that doesn’t register unless you hit the button straight on. And when I calculate, I calculate like nobody’s business. So I need something that can keep up. Luckily I don’t have to calculate often in my job. Thanks to Dan for letting me get up on his TI original circa 1993. Now that’s a fucking calculator.


Up
Tonight we’ve got Project Runway and Hard Knocks. Let me explain, in plain English, my thoughts on these two shows. Project Runway is cool. I like fashion, I like the creativity in clothing and yes I know how gay that sounds. However, Hard Knocks on HBO is in my top 5 favorite television shows ever made. It’s fucking brilliant. I heard a rumor my friend Andy doesn’t have HBO so he won’t see it. Well guess what Andy? I called Comcast today, they can hook that shit up in about 30 seconds so now you have no excuse. This goes for all of you out there. If you’re not watching Hard Knocks this season you are officially uninvited from reading this blog. You heard me. Move along. I’m sure the hand jobs over at TellHimFred.com would rather have you.


Down
My phone, as in where it landed after I launched it when I got home. I’m a relatively chill guy. I keep my cool in 98% of all situations. But when my bus ride home takes an extra 30 minutes and consists of me jammed up against weirdos, homeless crack heads and pervy old dudes then sometimes that 2% rears it’s ugly head. Now I gotta go get a new phone. So, if you’ve tried to call or text me in the last few hours I’m sorry. I gotta go pay a visit to Verizon tomorrow.


Up
My current mood. My outlook on tomorrow. My excitement for the rest of this month and the rest of this year. Things are looking good. And maybe it’s because I have Conor Oberst’s album playing in the background but things are definitely looking up.



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“If I go to heaven I’ll be bored as hell/like a crying baby at the bottom of a well.”

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