Monday, June 9, 2008

I've got a Giant(s) boner



Apple
Four wins in a row. Five games back in the NL West. Zito picked up his 2nd win of the year. This isn’t your April Giants ladies and sweet dudes. Baseball superstition states that you shouldn’t say anything when your team is rolling like this. But you know what? Fuck it. These moments are few and far between for the Giants so let’s hear it! Huuuuuuuuuum Baby!


Moustache
I’m sticking with my pick. The Lakers will win the NBA Finals. Watch Kobe average 36 points over the next three games in LA. Pau Gasol will pick up his game and Derek Fisher will flex his veteran chops. This series is long from over.


Apple
This may not surprise you but I love my one-eyed dog, Patch. But you know what? He’s a giant cock block. He always wants to be with us, which is cool, but all the time is not that cool. We’re working on “go in the other room Patch” and “close your eye Patch.”


Moustache
Summer is here. Crotches are getting a little swampy, Iced Tea isn’t the gayest thing you can order at Starbucks and sun dresses are aplenty. But watch out. Summer also means great fruit. Peaches, cherries, and plums oh my. But be careful. No more words need to be said. Just tread carefully.


Apple
Fuck Boston. Sorry TellHimFred but fuck Boston. Paul Pierce’s wheelchair act was the biggest narcissistic, self masturbation scene since Curt Schilling’s bloody sock. Boston sports have turned into such a cliché. They’re a parody of themselves. Every time Brady connects with Moss, Bill Simmons blows a load. Every time Dice-K pitches out of a jam I half expect NASA to announce they found another star and named it Terry Francona. It’s disgusting. All of it. It's like Heidi and Spencer. Nobody wants to see it anymore.


Moustache
I’m watching the Bachelorette. You may know this by now. I bet on it. I’ve got Sean this season. Don’t blame me I had the 5th pick in the draft. That’s not my point. This chick Deanna sucks. She’s on a constant power trip and I swear there was a point tonight when all the guys saw how crazy she’d be as a wife and were ready to bow out. But you know what? She’s got a fantastic butt. That makes it worth watching.


Apple
Maybe Big Brown just didn’t want to run. He’s an animal for fuck’s sake. Enough of the analysis and speculation. He’s a horse. Ever think of that?


Moustache
Final thought. Jericho, keep on with your movie stats and predictions. It's fascinating how good you are at that. Too bad it will never come in handy like knowing how to find the area of a circle or how to hot wire a car. But it's pretty cool for our blog. Keep the fire burning.




2 comments:

Sur Slaw said...

Amazing title....but I swear to god, if this post fucks the Giants season I'm going to be more angry than Russ Davis was horrible.

Jimmy Hoffa said...

Wow, Zito got his second win? Let's have a fucking street carnival. You're just bitter. I bet you a blog post the Celtics win the finals. Celtics win, you come to TellHimFred and write about how the Celtics outplayed the Lakers, and you were wrong, and vice versa. The gauntlet is thrown.