Apples and Moustaches

Apple
New rule! US Weekly magazines need to be mailed in that protective black plastic that the Penthouse sits in at liquor stores. I’m convinced our mailman is stealing our US Weekly. And it’s bullshit. He’s probably curious about the details of Ruben Studdard’s upcoming nuptials. But I can’t blame him. Who isn’t?


Moustache
Michael Beasely will never win an NBA championship. And you can quote me on that.


Apple
My life used to be in the ad agency world. Now I’ve switched to the client side. This Friday I have a meeting at my old agency to see if they’d be a good fit to do our TV commercials. I imagine this is how Omar Vizquel felt when he returned to Cleveland last night. You think they’ll be expecting the squeeze bunt from me in the 8th to win the game?


Moustache
We saw ‘Be Kind Rewind’ last night. Great concept for a movie. And Jack Black was perfect to have act out a bunch of different movie roles. But overall it was a terrible movie. It just didn’t know what it wanted to be. A comedy or a drama or a period piece or a feel good story about sticking to your roots. Just a terrible movie. And doesn’t Danny Glover live in San Francisco? I can’t tell if that’s cool or not.


Apple
Skip Kevin Love, OJ Mayo, DJ Augustin and Joe Alexander. If I’m in the top 10 I want Eric Gordon. A pure scorer in the mold of Juan Dixon and Stephen Curry. Wait, Dixon was only good in college and Curry is still in college. See? That’s what you get when you listen to my thoughts on the NBA. Bring back illegal defense!


Moustache
Has anyone seen The Strangers? The fucked up movie with Liv Tyler? You couldn’t pay me to see it. I wouldn’t sleep for a week. I’m just curious if it was as scary as the trailer made it out to be. I’m looking forward to seeing Hancock. I’ll see anything with Will Smith in it. Great theory with movies like Ali and Pursuit of Happiness. Terrible theory for Hitch. I’m willing to risk the $10.50 on this one though.


Apple
Anyone seen this article about Anne Hathaway’s ex-boyfriend? Yeah, homeboy is fucked. What aggravates you the most here? The fact that he duped millionaires into thinking he had ties to the Vatican? The fact that he got to slap her biggens around at will or the stupid smile he has in that picture? I’m going with the last one. What a smug son-of-a-bitch.


Moustache
If video killed the radio star then what happened when the MP3 came along? Why did Candace Cameron marry an NHL all-star, the Olsen twins develop a billion dollar empire and Jodie Sweeden wound up a chubby meth addict? Why, no matter what the temperature, do my balls stick to the side of my leg? These are the questions that keep me up at night.


Apple
Conor Oberst is at Bottom of the Hill on Saturday August 2nd. Who’s coming with me?


Moustache
The Love Guru with Mike Myers has bombed at the box office. The biggest debate between Jericho and myself right now is what his reaction might be. Jericho thinks Myers has secluded himself from any human contact and is suicidal. I think he’s got his feet kicked up sipping a double pina colada and laughing every time he’s tricked another person into seeing such a stupid movie. No doubt JT is crying though. But he has Jessica Biel’s breasts to comfort him in his time of humiliation.


Apple
Graham going home on the Bachelorette was a fucking travesty. But you know what? He was just being himself. And I respect that. Most dudes on that show absolutely sell out at the drop of a hat. “What’s that Deanna? You like purple-laced napkins too? I was just telling my mother the same thing. How weird.” Graham flat out told this chick “Yup. That’s who I am.” For once a dude decided to be himself.