Apples and Moustaches - Thursday

Apple
The word gorgonzola could be an onomatopoeia for puking. “Dude, that didn’t sit right. I think I’m about to gorgonzola.”

Moustache
Aaron Rodgers will go in the 8^th round in upcoming Fantasy Drafts. As much as I like Rodgers and want to see him succeed, I doubt he’ll keep his starting job for the entire season. (why do I have this sick feeling that statement will come back to bite me someday?)

Apple
You know what? Fuck Mixt Greens, the overprice, overhyped, salad spot near my office. It’s a fucking crap shoot with what you’ll get. You wait in line for 15 minutes hoping and praying you get one of the ‘good’ salad mixers (or salad tossers). If you do, your $12 salad will be plentiful. If you don’t, you’ve just spent a fist full of cash on a few green leafs, caramelized onions and goat cheese. Stingy bitches.

Moustache
I never wanted to have a blog where all I do is bitch, so for the rest of this post I’m only going to have positive statements and/or observations.

Apple
I’m glad Christian won the Project Runway finale last night. That little dude is talented. If I was a 6-foot, 90 pound chick I would totally wear his stuff. But I’m not. So I’ll stick with L.L. Bean and Stussy.

Moustache
You know who has one of the weakest jobs in America? The athletic director of a high school, that’s who. I went to a high school playoff game this past weekend and the athletic director had to stand next to the rabid student section the whole time with his arms crossed looking disappointed in his students at all times. Like a dooshbag. Just standing there. Shaking his head. Hey! Lighten up asshole. Let the kids have some fun. Could you imagine having to be that guy? The kids all make fun of you, you can’t sit in the stands and enjoy the game and at home your family knows they could all kick your ass.I don’t actually know if that last part is true but the image of a bunch of 7 and 8-year olds pummeling their wussy dad is kinda funny. “Who’s your daddy now bitch? “

Apple
The new chick at work totally just sabotaged me. We all share a bathroom here at work. That’s 12 of us and one lone shitter. So she just exited and I asked the now socially acceptable question of ‘all good in there?’ She replied ‘yes’. Let me just say, it absolutely was NOT all good in there. She either a) has a faulty memory and forgot that she just unloaded b) has a sick fetish about that sort of thing and wanted me to smell what she’s working with c) truly believed her shit don’t stink or d)…I don’t know. What's going on? I thought girls don't poop.

Side note: The fat guy from finance just went in there. Stay clear for the next 35-45 minutes.

Moustache:
Having a dog means talking to complete strangers on the street. My dishwasher is quite possibly the loudest dishwasher in the universe. I heard Baron Davis and Steven Jackson were partying at The Matrix in the Marina following their win over Portland a few nights back. The taco truck near my office has posted a health inspector rating of 100…is that possible? I sent our blog link to Bruce Jenkins a columnist at the Chronicle yesterday…4% chance he reads it. I had a turkey sandwich on Saturday, my first piece of meat in 2008. Olives and sun dried tomatoes can ruin a perfectly good meal. For the third consecutive year I’ll be out of town when Dave Matthews comes to perform. Everyone says the Sharks may win the Stanley Cup this year and I could care less. Jericho is devastated about the news of Dungeons & Dragons founder Gary Gygaz passing away. He’s taking the day off of work today to gather his thoughts. Our thoughts are with Jericho and the entire Gygaz family.