Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Super Bowl Media Day




Because of the overwhelming success of Apples and Moustache and the frenzy it has caused throughout the sports world, we have been invited to participate in today’s Media Day in Phoenix, AZ. You heard that correctly, Jericho and I were flown out as special guests of the NFL to attend the Super Bowl’s Media Day and get up-close and personal with the Patriots and the Giants. Below are the unedited and unfiltered responses to questions asked by yours truly.

After ransacking the food tent, stacking up on as much cheese and chili cheese Fritos as we could possibly get our hands on, we were ushered onto the field to talk with the players. First up was 5’9” WR Wes Welker who led the Patriots with 112 receptions this season.

Magglio:
Wes, hi there, Magglio from Apples and Moustaches, congratulations on making the Super Bowl. So, you look like a hobbit and you run like a hyena, if you had to choose one TV Sitcom character that best describes your play on the field who would it be?

Welker:
Great question Magglio, and welcome to Phoenix. I think Six from Blossom would best describe my style of play. Flashy, sexy and way hotter than anyone else on the show.

Magglio:
Wes, not sure if I agree with you on that one. I was going to say more like David Silver from 90210. He made a splash on some episodes but deep down everyone knew they could kick his ass.

With that, I skedaddled over to the next podium where none other than Tom Brady was answering questions. It took me at least 10 minutes to wedge my way to the front…it was like a Britney deposition out there.

Magglio:
Tom, first of all congratulations on your record breaking season. I’m Magglio from…

Brady:
I know who you are. I’m a longtime reader of A&M. I loved your 5 levels of sports knowledge post and I thought your interview with Shaun Alexander’s vagina was spot on. What a pussy that guy is huh?

Magglio:
Totally. Thanks for reading. Anyways, my question to you is more of a word association. I’m going to say a word or a phrase and I want you to respond with whatever comes to mind. Ready?

Brady:
Hit me.

Magglio:
David Beckham?

Brady:
Second most handsome man on the planet.

Magglio:
Leonardo DiCaprio?

Brady:
Luckily, the guy showered A LOT!

Magglio:
The boot you’ve been spotted wearing?

Brady:
Designed by Armani, buckles by Hummer.

Magglio:
Brady for President 2016?

Brady:
Only if Gavin Newsom is my running mate.

Magglio:
Eli Manning?

Brady:
Pass.

Magglio:
What? You can’t pass on the question.

Brady:
I’m not passing. I’m saying ‘pass’. I hope he passes the ball 40 times because our defense will be ready.

Magglio:
Real World/Road Rules the Gauntlet 3.

Brady:
Evan is a man child. I’m shocked Evelyn is a lesbian. Was that well known? Danny is on so many steroids he makes Rodney Harrison look sane. And I’ve never understood the whole Nehemiah and Beth thing. I mean she’s got to have some serious sagging going on and he’s not a bad looking guy.

Magglio:
Best quarterback of all time?

Brady:
That’s easy, Joe Montana.

What a great guy huh?

With that our trip to Media Day came to an end. I crammed as much Velveeta cheese into my mouth as I could and Jericho stayed behind to witness the annual NBC circle jerk contest starring Tiki Barber, Keith Olberman and that big bitch from the Bionic Woman. Stay tuned for the results.




3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know! I didn't realize Ev was a lesbian...I mean, it's not surprising but it just kinda came out of nowhere. And I think the only reason Brooke's a lesbian now is because after the Real World aired, no guy would ever date her crazy ass.

Slappy Sam said...

Is Wes Welker a rich man's Tim Dwight or a poor man's Alvin Harper?

Asshole Jones said...

Magglio: Tom Brady, can I touch your balls?
Tom Brady: No.
Magglio: Wah Wah Wah.