There’s something in the air. Maybe it’s the freezing cold weather or the post-xmas hangover but people are definitely in a bad mood lately. In the past 3 days we’ve experienced more road rage, more angry co-workers and more depressing news than in recent memory. And we at Apples & Moustaches are no exception. We’re cranky, stressed-out and ready to go Kung Fu panda on somebody (btw, have you seen the fucking stupid trailer for this fucking stupid movie? Fuck You, Kung Fu Panda). So to try and quell our rage we decided to write a list of Fuck Yous. And if you don’t like it then Fuck You too!
*Fuck You, girl in my office who is always cold. Put on a fucking sweater. We can’t take off our shirts so it’s up to you to make it better.
*Fuck you, Incubus. Your music sucks.
*Fuck you, chubby blonde driving the Toyota Highlander this morning. You don’t own the fucking road. Put down your coffee and your cell phone and drive. There’s a reason you’ve got cobwebs in your crotch
*Fuck you, left ball, for being stuck to my leg right now. We're not at home you twisty little fuck. Unstick yourself, I'm not doing it for you anymore!
*Fuck you, Super Burrito. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten you. Now you’re sending me your own special fuck you back.
*Fuck you, Anderson Cooper's hair and Larry King's head. You both have no respect for the laws of physics. Hair cannot part like that and a forehead cannot be that big. Fuck you both!
*Fuck you, George Clooney. You smug mother fucker. Nobody cares about you, your movies, or your quest to save the world. You’re an actor. That’s it.
*Fuck You, Rory. I don't know you but I hate your fucking name.
*Fuck You, non-fat wheat thins. You taste like microwaved cardboard. Let's call you what you really are: cunty crisps.
*Fuck you, agent showing apartments. You’re having an open house for 20 minutes at 1pm during the week. You arrogant motherfucker you don’t think people work? And for 20 minutes?! What just cause you have the keys to a place and can open a door you think you own the world?
*Fuck You, "based on a true story". That doesn't mean anything anymore. It's like saying Michael Jackson's face is based on a real person.
*Fuck You, messaging platform. If a company doesn't know its own message then why the fuck are they a company? Here’s a message, fuck you!
*Fuck you, The Biggest Loser. What are you feeding those people? I don’t give a shit how much they cry and how much they work out and how bad they used to eat…what the fuck are they eating now? Why is this a secret? These people are losing 16 lbs a week and you tiptoe around the subject of what they’re eating. I need some fucking answers.
*Fuck You, "parallel". I always misspell you and you're a stupid fucking word anyway.