3 Apples & 3 Moustaches

Apple
Of course Eli played out of his mind against the Pats, there was nothing to play for! All of these “he’s finally arrived!” and “no one wants any part of the Eli in the playoffs!” stories could not be dumber. Honestly as a Seahawk fan, I’d rather be the 4 seed and play the Giants at home in the wild card and then go to Dallas for the divisions. I’d much rather play Eli than Todd Collins, everyone on earth knows Eli will crap the bed in the playoffs, even Eli knows this! Instead, the Hawks get an emotional Skins team and then have to go to Lambeau in mid-January. Ouch. Sports writers are so fucking stupid.

Moustache
You know the old saying, “to really know someone you have to walk around for a day in their shoes?” Well, let me tell you, I bought a pair of used Steve Maddens this weekend and I feel exactly the same.

Apple
If a successful barber deems in his will that his oldest son will inherit his shop after he dies, could you say that his son is the hair apparent?

Moustache
I came down with a horrible cold over break. My nose is red and swollen and I’m emitting green goo every five minutes. In other words, my head is now Paris Hilton’s vagina. Or maybe I’m just making that connection because I met Stavros Niarchos at a bar on New Year’s Eve and let him nostril me in the men’s room.

Apple
The fact that there isn’t a playoff system in college football is rivaling the Writer’s strike for “baffling things that seem confusing but are actually so simple that they become confusing again.”

Moustache
Here’s a question: is Carlos Santana the Christopher Walken of music or is Christopher Walken the Carols Santana of movies? Think about it, both major, major talents, both incredibly unique with recognizable and often imitated styles, both can carry a project if need be but are better used and more comfortable as a supporting player, and both have settled comfortably into the “fuck it, I’m just making crazy cameos” phases of their careers. Maybe another, more A&M way of asking this question would be: is playing guitar on a Michelle Branch song the Balls of Fury of music cameos or is Balls of Fury the playing guitar on a Michelle Branch song of movie cameos? Can we get a ruling here? Do you see cameo and think cameltoe or is that just me?