Thursday, February 12, 2009
Congress is a bit like the NFL in the sense that once something is proven to work, everyone has to try it at least once. For example, congressmen screaming at high paid executives about their bonuses are completely analogous to football teams trying the wildcat formation: It’s worked; the crowds love it; so why not give it a shot? Barney Frank is definitely the “Ronnie Brown scoring 4tds against NE” of congress right now.
I am literally waiting with baited breath to see what Jay Z and Kanye do to Chris Brown. Honestly, I haven’t been this excited for a fight since the finals of the All Valley Karate Tournament. You know how there’s that scene in every cop movie where they have the key witness in a hotel room, and everyone is freaked out and checking all his food and shit? Isn’t that exactly how you picture CB right now? The question: which witness is he? Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon 2? The weird looking bald guy from Traffic? Or Jet Li in the straight to DVD movie co-starring DMX and Marlon Wayans: “Cookie Doh” (Before U get da cookies, U gots 2 make da doh).
Three things I’m dying to say to a client today:
- (Upon hearing that activity X isn’t in the budget): Well, that’s funny; dumb fucking faces aren't in my budget yet here we are.
- Dear, X, rather than edit my content like the dumb cunt fucktard that you are, why don’t you just print it out, bring it to the bathroom with you, wipe your fat ass with it and fax it back?
- Actually, that's a really good idea, thanks. Hahahahahahahaha
You’re going to be hearing a lot of Oscar and general movie thoughts from me over the next few weeks – I’m holding off on making any Oscar predictions or ranking the 2008 films for now until I’ve seen a few more movies and can be a bit more objective, but I do have one overarching theory / thought that I wanted to set up the next few weeks of posts with: The movies in 2008 sucked and everyone knows it. You know it, I know it, and you bet both the curly hairs on your left nut that the Academy knows it.
Now, even though the year as a whole was fairly dismal, there were still a number of standout films, the problem though is that they fall outside of the traditional “Best Pic” type. That doesn’t matter to the Academy though, they have a proven formula and they stick to it, come hell or bad films. Think about it, the Academy basically nominates the same five films every year. Almost without fail you’re getting:
1) Epic starring really famous person wearing makeup or period garb: Benjamin Button
2) The little indie movie that could: Slumdog
3) Historical figure / biopic: Milk
4) War / Holocaust / Courtroom: The Reader
5) Seminal event / news story: Frost / Nixon
Look at 2007, you could use the same formula and dissect the nominees.
1) Epic starring really famous person wearing makeup: Atonement
2) The little indie movie that could: Juno
3) War / Holocaust / Courtroom: Michael Clayton
4) Seminal event / news story: There Will Be Blood
No Country For Old Men doesn’t really fit, but I think you get my point. Go back through the archives and that formula will work every year.
One little difference between 2008 and 2007 – ’07 was a fantastic year for films, all five nominees were outstanding. So, in a widely publicized bad year, why didn’t the Academy shake it up a bit, nominate movies like The Dark Knight and Wall-E, two wholly original, creative, excellent movies? Yes, one’s a comic book movie and one’s animated, and neither of those categories fit within the little confines above, but who gives a fuck?
In my opinion, the Academy totally blew this one. They nominate inferior films that ft their criteria, totally blowing an opportunity to expand their horizons and acknowledge two films that will be remembered long after someone gets The Reader on Netflix, lets it sit on the coffee table for three months finally returning it unopened.