Thursday, December 11, 2008
Xmas Man Date 2008
by Magglio and Jericho
Tomorrow night is a special night for us. You see, it’s our Xmas man date. We haven’t been on a man date since April and we're way over due. We’ve selected the best steak house in town, the girls have been sent out to bump fur or whatever it is they do and the whiskey will be flowing. Are you fired up or what?
10 predictions for our Man Date this Friday night:
1) We'll cheers at least 5 or 6 times, each time saying "we're the toughest fucking guys in San Francisco" and be 100% serious.
2) Magglio will go to town when the bread comes at the beginning of the meal. Jericho will shake his head disapprovingly and Magglio will retaliate with “Fuck you. I can have a piece of bread” of which Jericho will respond “Don’t fill up on that, we’ve got a big meal ahead of us.” This will in fact be the gayest we will be all night.
3) The five words that will be repeated the most throughout the meal: cunt, please, delicious, more, cuntiest.
4) Magglio will order the 24oz Porterhouse. Jericho will opt for the 12oz filet and try to reason “it’s a nice cut of meat.” After 2 and a half minutes of increasingly aggressive insults in front of the waiter, Jericho will cave and get the 16oz New York Strip. Magglio will nod approvingly.
5) Magglio will threaten to pull his balls out at least 7 times. For the first 6, Jericho will say “please don’t” – on the 7th and final, out of exhaustion he’ll say “ok, fuck, do it then.” To which Magglio will say “you wish, fag!”
6) Reactions when getting their steaks: Magglio: I'm going to beat this steak like Spencer beats Heidi. Jericho: Look at this fucking thing! It's almost as big as Greg Oden's dick!
7) At least three times during the meal, Magglio will tap the waitress on the butt and say, "how about another round for the two biggest assholes in the place, sweetheart." FYI, by waitress we mean a 65 old gay man named Alain.
8) Around the 2/3 mark of the steak, Jericho will sigh audibly and lean back in his chair. Magglio will stare menacingly at him until he resumes eating.
9) Jericho, aiming to be the most controversial of the night will say, “at the end of the day, I would totally watch Anderson Cooper in a gay porn, but only if he had a full suit on the whole time.” Not to be outdone and without batting an eye Magglio will counter, “trust me on this one, you definitely want the suit off, guy’s got an ass like a fucking garbage disposal – it just grinds up dick.”
10) Lines walking out of the restaurant: Magglio: shit, we did more damage than Kobe in a Colorado hotel room. Jericho: I feel like Paris Hilton I’ve got so much meat in me.