Apples & Moustaches: And I told you to be patient

Thursday, December 18, 2008

And I told you to be patient

Five reasons we haven’t posted this week:

1. We can’t stop listening to Bon Iver

2. We’re busy. I know, fuck you too. That’s no excuse. Let me just say Jericho is being a big fat bitch lately. What once was endless banter from Jericho at work has turned into “So busy buddy.” Or “Talk soon, got a meeting.” Fuck you Jericho, we all have meetings.

3. We’re overwhelmed with the news that U2 will have a new album out in March of 2009. No we’re not. Put them on my list of ‘suck a dick’ bands along with Smashing Pumpkins, Counting Crows and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah, I said it.

4. We’re protesting the delay of the California State Budget being signed and refuse to write until it is approved. That’s not true, but it has gotten ridiculous. One thing I never thought about during this whole “USA in the Toilet” era we’re living through is the impact it will have on kids. Art programs get cut, pay for teachers is down which means more perverts teaching kids, and 7th graders are huffing more paint than ever before. (Bigger and better than ever! Check the cliché!)

5. We’ve been too busy jerking off to pictures of Rumer Willis.

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We are Apples and Moustaches

1. Magglio is the handsome one. Jericho is the angry one.
2. We’re dead on with our Box Office predictions. But we only do those during the summer when there are good movies out. I mean, who gives two shits about ‘27 dresses’. We’re also deadly accurate with our Oscar guesses. A word to the wise; never get into a betting situation with Jericho around Oscar time. Trust me on this.
3. We are West Coast centric. When it’s all said and done we want West Coast sports team to horse fuck East Coast sports teams. It’s just the way it goes. Even if that means rooting for a sissy team like Washington State or the Lakers, we’ll do it. That’s just the kind of guys we are.
4. We post once a day. Sometimes twice a day. And if we’re both too hungover then we’ll just put up pictures of hot chicks to fill the space.
5. Magglio once tried to eat a large Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza from Pizza Hut in one hour. He came up half a piece short. He has no question in his mind if he tried it again he could finish the whole pizza, no problem.
6. Our whole goal is to make each other laugh. That’s it. If you don’t like what you’re reading then fuck off. If you love what you’re reading then spread our link all over the blogosphere so we can quit our stupid day jobs.
7. Magglio loves The Hills, Matt Cain/Tim Lincecum and Soy Lattes. Jericho hates baseball and people who use the word "humorous", loves football, movies and has only 5 friends, admittedly by choice.
8. In their lifetime, Magglio and Jericho have gotten in two sanctioned* fist fights with each other. Each won one of the contests with the loser puking in the back yard.
9. We both support Barrack Obama. However, if John Clayton would have been on the ballot undoubtedly that’s where our vote would have gone.
10. We both consider the NFL Draft Day, our fantasy draft day and the Super Bowl as the greatest days of the year. Without question. Better than our birthdays. And better than Christmas.
*We only had 1 set of gloves but luckily Magglio is a righty and Jericho is a lefty. We also were both wasted when the fights took place. Magglio did knock his ass out though. Bitch.