Sunday, December 28, 2008
Fuck you miss
Dude, this Xmas I got a pooping reindeer. You may have seen this before. The concept is truly brilliant. It’s a reindeer stuffed with brown Jelly Belly’s who “poops” when you push down on its back. It’s like Paris Hilton if you replaced the candy with coke and the pushing down on its back with blowing a load on her tits. Not sure what that meant. But man wouldn’t that make a great stocking stuffer? Think about it. A pocket Paris. Imagine the commercials…”Now you can “B” an “L” on her “T’s” in the comfort of your own home!” Say what you will, but that bitch is still banging. And I think at this point she’s even better in bed because she’s got a reputation to uphold.
I won my fantasy league. Yes I did. Thank you. No, stop you’re making me blush. Here was my starting lineup in the championship game; Matt Schaub, Maurice Jones-Drew, Sammy Morris, Marques Colston, Randy Moss, Bang Bang Eddie Royal, Jason Witten, Ryan Longwell and the Ravens Defense. Despite Schaub’s zero TD performance I won 107-95. My WRs all had big days lead by Colston’s 2 scores. This is my second time winning this league which means my farewell email to my league this year was beyond offensive. Now pay the birthday boy!
Speaking of…if I know you, and I like you, then save-the-date this Febuary 7th. My birthday is coming up and that’s the date we’ve chosen to celebrate. My wife is doing all the planning so all I have to do is show up, be amazing and wear something off the hiz hiz. I’m already starting to plan my outfit.
There’s a generational gap when it comes to giving directions. My new pet peeve is when somebody tries to explain to you how to get somewhere. Just give me the address. Stop telling me about turning left at the red house or going two blocks and then turning at the first right past the 7-Eleven. Just give me the address. For the most part this seems to happen with people who are older than me. And maybe its my new iPhone that makes me want to skip directions and go straight to Google Maps. (yes, I got an iPhone and yes, I’m terrified about breaking/losing/mangling/dry humping my iPhone. Pray for me.)
The Niners finished the season with a bang. This team is moving in the right direction. My friend R. Kelly tells me we’re a good right tackle away from the playoffs. I think we’re a Michael Crabtree and a full season under Coach Singletary away from making a serious run in the playoffs. The Niners finished 7-9. What the fuck? I’ll type that again just for fun….The Niners finished 7-9!
Two bets were made at the beginning of the season. I picked the Chicago Bears to win less than 8 games this year. They finished 9-7. Fuck you Kyle Orton. I also picked the Pittsburgh Steelers to win more than 9.5 games. They finished 12-4. I’m waiting to see the Super Bowl lines when they come out tomorrow morning but I’m thinking of putting something down on the Steelers and maybe even the Ravens. Though I think the Panthers are the strongest team, this shit never turns out like you think it will. Stay tuned. (side note: Hey KK, thanks for the tip on Hawaii over Notre Dame in the Grilled Stuft Burrito Hand Job bowl. Awesome. Really cool. Glad I rely on you for gambling advice.)
Over Xmas I saw 3 movies. Here’s my KB reviews in honor of A&M’s good friend KB.
*Milk – It was great.
*Nothing but the Truth – Loved it.
*Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah – What the fuck?
Who else is watching Summer Heights High on HBO? Holy fuck. I can’t get enough. I’m still only 5 episodes deep so I’m not caught up but this shit is brilliant. I can’t stop calling everything ‘random’ and I’ve got that damn song in my head “…she’s got a bad habit, bad habit…” Now you do too. Hopefully.