A few quick tips for new Washington football coach Steve Sarkisian...
-Know your Don James history. Seriously. The whole city of Seattle can not only rattle off Coach James’ all time record at UW (153-57-2) but can also tell you his favorite food (haystacks), favorite fruit (papaya) and his shoe size (11). You think I’m joking? This is like asking Tony Romo who his favorite receiver is when the game is on the line (the safety), Heidi Montag what she wants to be when she grows up (a unicorn) and CC Sabathia where he wants to play baseball next season (cheesesteaks). Not sure any of that made sense. But did you know Don James has 4 Rose Bowl wins in 6 tries and 99 Pac-10 wins, still a record?
-You need a schtick. Jim Lambright had hairy balls. Rick Neiuhasal had the sweater vest. And Keith Gilbertson had bitch tits. What will your legacy be?
-The chicks get better looking when the sun comes out. You can’t do any worse than the slap dick you just replaced. The rain may go away but it will always be grey outside. Yes, everyone drinks coffee. Jake Locker may be the second coming so use him wisely. The best team in the entire city right now call themselves the Storm. Isaiah Thomas is playing basketball but he’s only 18 years old. Everyone drives a Subaru wagon. They call soda, pop.
-But most importantly Steve, despite the past 7 seasons, we fully expect to be competing for the National Championship every single season. That is not a joke. We’re trusting you with the keys to one of the best programs in the country. You should feel honored to take the wheel and we’re excited to have you on board. Go Dawgs.