Friday, January 30, 2009
Super Bowl Props...
by Magglio and Jericho
Note: These are actual bets posted at Ceasar's in Las Vegas.
* O/U on number of times Kurt Warner will mention God in pre and post game interviews... 14
* O/U on number of times someone will make the obligatory “man, that dude looks pissed” joke when they cut to Brenda Warner in the stands...8 billion
* O/U number of times Larry Fitzgerald Sr. is shown on TV... 2.5
* O/U number of times Larry Fitzgerald Sr. is shown on TV with his fist inside of Rick Reily as Reily jots in his journal, "with hands like a bricklayer but soft like fresh blueberries, Larry Sr. rams his fist in my butthole like tiger nailing a par putt on 18. Father. Mentor. Fister. Human.”...3
* Percentage chance that Magglio wears his signed Fitzgerald jersey...65%
* If Magglio doesn't wear his Fitz jersey, O/U on amount of times Maggio cries that he isn't wearing his Fitz Jersey...14.5
* Chances this is true….Big Ben seems like a guy who spent way too much time on his fifth grade science project. And everyone hated it and he's never forgotten. He spent seven weeks making a paper mache dolphin, for his report "Dolphins: Phriends of Phoes?".
And oh, how they laughed at him, "Ben can't spell, he must be retarded."
"Now, kids, that's not nice to, Ben. He obviously worked very hard making this salmon."
"Dolphin, Mrs. Mankowitz! It's supposed...to be (runs out of the room)…"
Next on Outside The Lines, how a science project gone terribly, terribly wrong inspired a quarterback to greatness, "When I'm on the road, I feed off the crowd. All the screams, all the voices, they just become those kids in Mrs. Mankowitz's class. I can still hear them. I can still hear them."….95%.
* O/U on number of menstruating Steelers fans that will support their team by sporting an enormous, yellow, Terrible Tampon...17.5
* Once again we gave resident tug job KK a chance to contribute. Here is what he came up with: “Number of times John Madden says boom...8.5”
And that’s why we keep him behind the scenes. Thank you KK.
* Number of fists thrown during Springfield’s halftime show because Magglio would rather watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet...Countless
* Percentage chance Kendra from Girls Next Door looks at her fiancée Hank Baskett and thinks “why did I pick this loser?’ 0% (trick question, Kendra doesn’t think.)