April Fool's

We had big plans for today. For April Fool’s Day, that is. One idea was to reveal our true identities. I was going to be a middle-aged housewife with glorious cougar tits and Jericho was going to be Taylor Hicks. But then we decided that was about as stupid as our Overrated Week idea. (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday here and here, Thursday here and here, and Friday. It was a good week.)

Another idea was to pretend that we were retiring the blog so we could go on our Mormon mission. But, like the first idea, that one was just plain dumb. So we did nothing. All day we were on our toes however. Waiting for some far-fetched email from a co-worker. Checking our coffees to make sure nobody spiked them with laxatives. Skeptical anytime CNN.com posted anything remotely bizarre. And for the most part we were fine. Business as usual. We spent a majority of the day exchanging IM’s bitching about clients and co-workers, talking about how brilliant The Sports Guy is, and patting ourselves on the back because of how hot our wives are. You know, the usual.

And then I got an IM. It came from my brother. I don’t think he was trying to trick me. No, I’m positive he wasn’t. It went something like this.

Scrotum: Dude! Check it out! Tits! This is totally tits! (Scrot likes exclamation points as you can see.)

Magglio: What?

Scrotum: Check it out!!!

You can click on the link if you want. It’s incredibly believable. What with the Broncos out and saying Cutler was as good as gone yesterday, why wouldn’t it be? It sets up a massive trade between the Niners and the Broncos for Jay Cutler. I read it quickly scanning for the details…something about a 1st, a 2nd and a 3rd round pick…something about Alex Smith…something about finally landing “franchise quarterback.” My ears turned a bright pink I was so excited.

Magglio: HOLY SHIT! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

Scrotum: TITS! Big fat Oprah tits!

I had to tell Jericho. I had to tell KK. I quickly sent them both the link.

Jericho: WHAT?! Buddy this is HUGE! Let’s get Cutler jerseys.

KK: Wow! This can’t be real. Is this real? That’s a lot to give up for Cutler.

I was blind with excitement. I was sweating like it was 9th grade and I was feeling up Megan Vanderwood at the Sadie Hawkins dance while ‘End of the Road’ was playing and my date sat sulking in the corner. This was a defining moment in my lifetime. I could feel it. And then I was brought back down to earth. Jericho spotted it first. It was buried at the very bottom of the post.

“This April Fools story has been brought to you by 49erswebzone.com. If you have read this far, you probably already figured that out.”

I was crushed. I was physically defeated. I couldn’t talk to anyone anymore. I broke the news to KK and then to Scrotum. I knew it would hurt Scrotum pretty badly. April Fool’s Day is stupid. If you don’t believe me then check this out this nerd site which tracked all of the pranks on the net. Sweet.

Now pardon me while I go tell Patch we found his eye.



III