Thursday, October 16, 2008

Lets go Rays!



Word association with Magglio and Jericho...



Pacman Jones is suspended again...
Paris Hilton lights self on fire, blames gasoline dress. Pam Anderson Passes kidney stone, turns out to be Kid Rock. Matthew McConaughey gets lost in own house, does pushups until found. Chris Berman Finishes Burger, Accidentally eats forearm. Sarah Palin loses argument to baby, shoots baby. In other words, no fucking shit.


Oliver Stone's W...
Remember when Oliver Stone made influential, talked about movies like Natural Born Killers and JFK? What the hell is this? Is this movie supposed to be funny? Serious? Ironic? Shit stained? I’m expecting a combination of Lil’ Bush meets Fried Green Tomatoes meets Team America World Police meets Harry and the Hendersons. Truth be told I change the channel whenever a trailer comes on for this movie. Like holding my breath every time I drive through Emeryville. I don’t want anything to do with this movie.


Madonna and guy getting divorced...
The real question is what kind of ass is Guy going to pull now? I mean, where do you go after banging Madonna for all those years? Sure, she was starting to look like Todd Heap but she’s also notoriously violent/sexy/unstoppable in the sack. My guess? Guy is looking for comfort and affordability. The equivalent to banging a Kia Rio. I think he goes for Rachel Ray.

Jon Kitna is out for the year...
Or in other words the 2nd or 3rd best player on a shit fucking awful team going down for the year – is the equivalent of taking an ugly bitch home and then just as you’re about to slam home the cheeseburger, she stops you and in a weepy voice says, “I can’t do this, I just can’t do this.” In other words, Lions fans, you might want to just jerk off. The pussy has officially left the building.


Joe the Plumber...
I got an idea, our country is going to shit, our economy is going down faster than Miley Cyrus on her 20-year-old boyfriend and we’re in massive dept. Let’s use a redneck wife-beater from butt fuck Ohio as our measuring stick for the American population. Obama and McCain should have used Jake Plummer or Ahmad Plummer as their talking points. Talking about two washed up NFL players would get me a lot more interested in the debates then talking about this Joe asshole.


Game 5 of the ALCS
Get the warm beer ready you sad sad fucks. I hope you get 13 more runs and some BJ Upton so far up your ass that even Theo Epstein is offended. Your time has come Boston. The clock has struck midnight. Jason Bay is about to turn into a pumpkin. Sure, you bought your way to a few series titles, you purchased an NBA title this past season and you wronged a lot of people along the way. I hope it hurts tonight. I hope it hurts worse than these pictures of Xtina. Giants in 2009!!!!




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1 comment:

jimmy hoffa said...

Ha ha on you.