Monday, October 20, 2008
Hey GQ...blow me
I haven't spoken to Jericho all day today. It's the longest we've gone without talking since I punched him in the leg after a long night of drinking and rendered him immobile for a few days. Eventually I bought him a lava lamp and all was forgiven. But this time it's different. I lost. I lost bad. The final score was 111-64. So what did Jericho do at my lowest moment when Rudi Johnson finished the game with 6 yards and Vincent Jackson just caught a TD pass? He texted me the following "How's that taste bitch?" Not cool Jericho, not cool.
If I were talking to Jericho then I would call him and ask him if he could name who GQ considers the top 25 sexiest women in film of all time. They just released their list in the latest issue. As you well know, Jericho is a hardcore movie dork. I'm talking big time dork. He's the kind of guy who thinks a fun Tuesday night involves back-to-back showings of "A River Runs Through It" followed by "Steel Magnolias." Big time nerd. Jericho's favorite game in the whole world is when I ask him to guess the top 5 grossing movies of individual actors, in order, and their total earnings. I'm dead serious. It's frightening. Last week I gave him Denzel and he nailed it. The gross earnings as well.
Ok, I broke down and called him. I had a moment of weakness. I conceded victory, allowed him the pleasure of a verbal thrashing and then quickly brought up the GQ article. Talk about a change. Jericho went from Desmond Howard posing after a TD at Michigan to the over acting Asian girl on Barney when it comes time to sing the picnic song. He immediately said he could get 15 of the 25 correct. Bold. The over/under was set. I took the under, my wife also took the under, Jericho's wife-to-be, she took the over. (Great sign during pre-marriage by the way.)
Then he had some questions;
1) Is this sexiest woman in a movie or over an entire body of work? Great question. Looks like it's based on individual movies.
2) What's the time period? 1957 to present.
3) How much time does he get? As much as he needs as long as he calls me tonight. And don't worry about him cheating. That's impossible. He gets off on this kind of shit so much I can just picture him right now hunched over the coffee table with a pen and paper feverishly reviewing his mental spank bank but not like you and I would (see: Denise Richards and Neve Cambell in Wild Things.) No, he's going way back. I'm talking Dame Judi Dench in Elizabeth deep. We'll see how he does.
Eighteen minutes later, he calls. First one he guesses is Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yes. Then he guesses Sophia Loren in Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. Wow, 2 for 2. Then it all goes down hill. Observe:
Jericho: Bo Derek, 10
Magglio: No, not on the list:
Jericho: What?! Not possible. Check it again.
Magglio: No buddy, it's not on here.
Jericho: That's crazy, this whole game is suspect.
Magglio: Yeah, that doesn't make a lot of sense. Even I knew that one.
Jericho: What about Marilyn Monroe?
Magglio: Let me check…No. Not on here.
Jericho: What?! GQ made a list of the 25 sexiest women in film and Bo Derek and Marilyn Monroe are not on there?
Magglio: I guess they did.
Jericho: This game is over.
Magglio: Well, do you want to at least let me know who else you put down?
Jericho: No. The game is over.
Magglio: Come on buddy, just tell me who you thought it would be.
Jericho: If I called you and said 'guess the top 25 bands of all time' and The White Stripes and Radiohead were not on there what would you do?
Magglio: I'd be pretty pissed off.
Jericho: Ok then.
Magglio: Well can you at least email me the list?
Jericho: I'm taking this notebook and I'm tossing it off the balcony right now. There it goes. (sounds of paper flapping) It's gone. Fuck this game.
Magglio: Sorry buddy.
Jericho: It's ok. We'll talk tomorrow.
And with that, the game was over. Just like that. But hey, for those of you that took the under looks like you won. A bet is a bet.
Here’s the bullshit list if you’re interested. And yes, they did pick a 13 year-old girl who looked like a 12 year-old boy. Bullshit. Maybe if we’re lucky Jericho would give us his top 25.