Tuesday, October 7, 2008

First thought best thought....

A good old fashion word association with Magglio and Jericho…

The Presidential Debate:
I’d be more excited if SNL had a better Barack Obama - Fred Armison's Obama is about as good as my Fred Armison. btw, when you have a second, go here and watch the clip of Obama's New Hampshire concession speech - the "yes we can" speech - you will be shocked by how much younger he looks. Incredible. Running for president sucks on every level, he's aged about 56 years since that moment. McCain has the distinct advantage in that department since corpses don't technically age...

Esquire names Halle Berry ‘sexiest woman alive’:
Enjoy that Esquire! I'll be at the bus stop with the Megan Fox GQ about to get arrested.

The Red Sox advancing:
I want the Red Sox to win this whole thing about as much as I want to find a beak in my hard boiled egg. Granted, I opted for MNF last night rather than the Angels/Red Sox game, but after watching highlights on Sportscenter it definitely got me fired up for the championship series in both leagues. I love baseball. I hope the Rays destroy the Red Sox…but not too quickly. Remember the Rockies? Stretch it out to 6 games and then enter the Series on a roll. Giants in ‘09!!!!

Rye Bread
Whenever a deli or sandwich shop doesn’t carry this I immediately assume they’re anti-Semitic. Fuck you, Denny’s!

Red-Eye (coffee with a shot of espresso)
Ordering this is the equivalent of giving a stripper a $100 and telling her to dance until you jizz, actually it’s not, but it’s been way too long since we had “jizz” on the site.

Sex addict David Duchovny released from sex rehab:
What the fuck is sex rehab? What a bizarre concept? You think they read you the baseball box scores while showing a slide show of the Gettysburg address? You think all the nurses wear oversized ‘nanna’ sweaters and oversized t-shirts with pictures of Garfield on them? Sex rehab is not possible. It’s just a great way to apologize to your wife. Sex rehab. Are you serious with this? And fuck David Duchovny while we’re at it. Our economy is going to shit and he has the time to go to sex rehab? For fuck’s sake.

Steve Young Getting his number retired
Speaking of jizz! Steve Young has to be the jizziest jizzball there ever was. We’ve heard of the Jew Fro, but the Jizz Fro, you all got us there, Steve!

Gus Ferrotte winning games for the Vikings:
So, here’s the scenario. You’re home all by yourself and getting ready for a great, “she’ll be gone for four hours” jerk off. You’ve got everything you need, you’ve been camping with your buddies for 5 days, it’s game time. So you grab your favorite porn and as you’re getting your favorite scene cued up, the power goes out. OK, OK, don’t panic. You go to your dresser, dig under your warm up pants and find your emergency Club. OK, nice, good save. So you flip to page 47 (the great pictorial with three waitresses at a casino inexplicably fucking the blackjack dealer) but pull back in horror because you realize waitress #2 kind completely resembles your sister’s friend – and not the good looking friend, the ugly accountant that uses words like “yummy.”

Well, this won’t do. Now you have no power, which means no Internet or TV, your fave mag let you down, so now what? Flash forward five minutes later and you’re in the shower thinking about Salma Hayek jumping rope and jerking off with a travel bottle of Prell. This scenario basically sums up the Vikings season. They had all the pieces in place; they were hungry, ready to do this thing. I mean, you can win a few games with Gus Ferrotte, but ultimately it’s a very frustrating, very forgettable experience

*this post is dedicated to the new girl at work for having a burrito for lunch 7 days in a row. Impressive.

1 comment:

tahoesanta said...

I order a red eye every morning before work.

Then I punch homeless midgets and take what they have remaining from their circus earnings.

Fuck Ruthless Records.