Monday, November 10, 2008

Will you be my Billy Volek?

“I'm hung over, my knees are killing me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.”

The Sports Guy, despite his raging boner for all things Boston, is as good as it gets. No doubt about it…this is from his recent column ranking the NFL teams:

“Really, the fantasy football season isn't fun. Winning is OK; losing is agonizing. You constantly feel awful about your choices and your bad luck; it's the only exercise that causes arguments with friends you normally never would argue with; and you spend roughly a kazillion hours managing your team for the 10 percent chance that you might win your league. There's just not a ton of upside. It's almost like smoking cigarettes -- it started out with good intentions, and it's something to do, and it can be fun in the right moments, but ultimately, there are an inordinate amount of moments when you find yourself leaning out a window in 20-degree weather to puff out a quick cig as your nose gets frostbitten, or bumming a cig from a group of horrible girls and then feeling obligated to talk to them, or waking up in the morning and coughing up your right lung. Really, it's more harm than fun. And yet, we continue to do it. And love it. This entire paragraph made me want to smoke.”

There are few victories in fantasy football, as the SG clearly notes, so you need to celebrate them when you can. Well, this week, I’m celebrating. I picked up and started Tyler Thigpen and had the high score this week with Hightower still left to play. Feels good. And between you and me, I think I’m going to start Thigpen over Romo next week. Yeah. I’m that crazy. I’ve been saying it all season, if I’m gonna make any sort of run at it this year I got to find that big pick-up mid season. Like Drew Bennet a few years back. Or Shaud Williams a few years before that. Hey Tyler, will you be my Billy Volek?

Contrary to popular belief, Patch is not the one eyed dog featured in the SPCA commercials with Sarah McClaughlin. But, I do believe he will, and should, someday be a national sensation.

I saw TV on the Radio last night. Fantastic band, I highly recommend seeing them live. They are so passionate about what they do. We stood about 8 feet from the front of the stage. That lasted about 4 songs, and when I couldn’t even bob my head because it was so crowded, we moved to the back of the room. I gotta say, it’s fun to be close, but it’s more fun to be able to breathe. That’s my strategy. I like to get as close as possible for a few songs, then move back and take it all in. And to the nerd standing next to me who looked like Sally Jesse Raphael if she was a 19 year old frequent World of Warcraft masturbator…keep up the good work. From the outside you look like a major tool. And though your dance moves did nothing to disprove my theory of your dorkdom, I appreciated your intensity. Now get a hair cut.

Let’s check in on some bets shall we? At the start of the year I put money on Jacksonville to win the whole thing. Not good. I put money on the Bears to win less than 8 games. They’re currently 5-4. Ouch. I need that team to fall apart quickly. Luckily I have Rex Grossman helping me out. I also have money on the Steelers to win more than 9.5 games. They stand 6-3 but have the hardest schedule in the NFL. I think that team is Super Bowl bound. Mewelde Moore and all.

Speaking of 9.5, the Niners are 9.5 underdogs tonight in their only MNF game of the season at Arizona. Anyone want a piece of that action?



bamer. said...

i had a similar experience at the tv on the radio concert. i don't think my feet touched the ground. and i got a lap-full of drunk butt to boot.

p.s. don't you think there are a few things that might say "what the fuck" as wells as or even better than an apple with a mustache? just a thought.

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