*The following is a paid advertisement by one of our partners. Apples and Moustaches does not endorse, support or condone any of the language, promises or guidelines in the below.
When you travel on a plane, is it just you and 200 other assholes? As you’re waiting to board do you realize that there isn’t one person within a 500 mile radius that you would ever consider seeing socially? During the flight, are you sitting in your tiny seat just wishing that you could be around normal people? Screaming babies. BO that is an insult to the term BO. The overly friendly chubby bitch that never shuts the fuck up. Is this your personal hell or your last airline experience? Are they one in the same all too often?
Well my friends, all of your problems are solved. It is with great pleasure that we announce the launch and immediate availably of NORMAL AIRLINES!
That’s right, normal people, an airline that clearly and openly discriminates against the stupid, the smelly, the obnoxious and the grossly obese. Sure, you’ve purchased an airline ticket by price, flight times or the quality of the airline, but with NORMAL AIR you’ll be entering a whole new world of air travel, where you can actually book a flight based purely on the quality of people you’ll be sitting next to.
By filling out a simple 20 question survey and having a quick, 10 minute screening call with one of our highly trained and very normal ADs (Asshole Detectors), you’ll be all clear to start flying the NORMAL skies.
Do you have small children? You’re better off with Alaska, ma’am. Do you keep talking to the person next to you even though they’ve only given monosyllabic answers and are openly contemplating suicide? We recommend Southwest for you, sonny Jim. Are you so disgustingly huge that you have to be driven from security to your gate in one of those fat person golf carts? Well, then you sound like Delta material.
Now remember, if you are a bit too chatty, can be a little catty or become a fatty, your membership will be revoked permanently. We hope that never happens though and so should you…
NORMAL AIRLINES: it’s for you, you, you and you. But not you, you fat fuck.