This is how we do it....

By Tahoe Santa -

It's Wednesday, 11:40 PST and I'm tall cannin' a PBR with a dip in my mouth. Magglio and Jericho Royall can't seem to post shit because of their San Fran fart sniffing life style so I guess I'm going to have to put something on here for the 7-reader-strong to giggle about.

So here it is Caity's and gentlemen, Tahoe's first post.


*First of all, Home Depot should start paying higher property taxes because of all the mexicans that hang outside their store looking for slave labor. I got no problem with Home Depot, and I fuckin' love me some mexicans, but you know, I'm just sayin...


*Next, I want to talk about fake tits. Fake tits are sweet. The only time fake tits are not sweet is when you open up tub8.com and they have fake tits on some hermy with a dick. That ain't cricket. That ain't soccer either, and soccer is fucking gay. I got nothin against gay's, I'm just sayin...


*If you are upset that Michael Vick and Brett Favre are playing on football teams this year, then you probably have no appreciation for football, soap operas, the AARP, TV, America the Beautiful, the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, or long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.


*Rachel Nichols or Erin Andrews. Who would be better in bed? I eagerly await your thoughts.


*I have a virus in my computer that Magic Johnson couldn't get rid of. This thing is awful. Everytime I open up ESPN.com and try to click on the Mariners home page it freezes up...wait, nevermind, ESPN doesn't cover sports on the westcoast.


*Bristol, CN is where right-wing Christians send their homosexual kids to straight kid camp. Those kids stay and become anchors on SportsCenter. It's ok though, it's not their fault.


*Remember "The Ball Player," poster with Bo Jackson? I wish I had that still. I mean, how unreal was thisguy? How did SportsCentury fail to mention him in the top 50? He should be in the top five!!! I saw Bo Jackson play at the Kingdome when he was on the Royals with George Brett. Not only was it one of the greatest performances I ever have seen live by a baseball player ( 2-4 2 HR's) I also got a game ball thrown to me by George Brett, who apparently has bowel problems.

May the schwartz be with you George Brett.




*

Wednesday's Apples & Moustaches

Apple
Ever notice how serious and boring everyone is at work? I mean what the hell. Sure, there’s always that one jackass that you can talk about sports with for a few minutes (thanks Dan) but other than that everyone else is all “blah blah blah, I’m so serious, don’t I sound important, blah blah blah.” Now, I know what you’re thinking. No, I’m not a total slap dick. I actually have been somewhat successful in my young professional career (insert jerk off motion here.) But I also find ways to make the day a little more palatable. Like convincing the new guy that our boss will only read emails if he’s referred to as Captain Sir. Then watching the poor guy actually write ‘Captain Sir’ in an email. Fuck, I need to get a life.



Moustache
I get my hair cut from a badass hair stylist. Don’t make fun of me. My hair is a work of art. Anyways, I was wondering what the rule is regarding the shampoo portion of the cut and having to tell my wife. You see, I think the woman who washed my hair yesterday went a little too far. I think she really enjoyed herself and I’m not going to lie…I did too. I mean, I honestly felt like I did something wrong. Like I should say something to the wife. This chick rubbed my head, my temples and my neck like she had been trained in one of those massage parlors you see busted on Dateline NBC. The worst part is when its over and you have to walk back to the chair together. What’s the etiquette here? Are you supposed to thank her? Ask for a tissue? Ask if she gives group discounts?

Apple
My new Facebook pet peeve...when people update their status with lame, mundane updates. Like ‘Magglio is working.’ Or, ‘Magglio is home.’ Nobody gives a shit. If you don’t have something funny/witty/unique/disturbing/pervy to update your status with then don’t type anything. We should make a Facebook rule book. This is on there for sure.



Moustache
It’s KK’s favorite day of the week….Nip Slip Wednesdays! Ladies and gentlemen please enjoy…well, the best I could find was Miley Cyrus with a side boob shot. And then I started to feel really pervy, you know, like more than usual. I mean she’s only 16…so today is camel toe Wednesday! Please enjoy Audrina Patridge. Yes!



Apple
Jericho has jury duty. How fucking weak is that? I mean who gets jury duty these days? What are we in a Robert Redford film? My advice to him was to just tell the judge about this blog and as soon as he saw Jericho’s last post referencing the assault of a young boy, he would be let go. Or immediately arrested. Either way he wouldn’t have to sit in a room and listen about some bullshit case involving crack addicts and a stolen 1992 Chrysler Lebaron.



Moustache
I just ate enough Mike And Ike’s to choke a large ostrich. There are 2 airplane bottles of Jameson sitting on my desk and I think it’s almost go time. Eighties fashion is coming back and in a big way. I can’t stop listening to The White Stripes today. I desperately need to find a cool new app for my iPhone. Washington has the number 9th ranked recruiting class in the Pac-10, yuck. We got Patch a pair of shoes, well 4 shoes actually, and he hated them so much he refused to move until we took them off. Eminem is back, his new single ‘Crack a Bottle’ is jumping.






*