Friday, August 21, 2009

Raise up off these N-U-T-Z




By Magglio and Jericho -


Apple
I like when fat chicks wear hats. All hats. Big floppy hats, indie wool knit hats, even berets. It makes me giggle. Every time. Hey, they’re trying. And I find it very endearing. It's like when Heinz invents a new ketchup bottle. It screws, or you tap it, or it goes upside down, but no matter what they put on top, it’s still just ketchup.


Moustache
You have to love all of the tests they are doing to determine whether that South African runner is actually a woman. At last report they had a gynecologist, an endocrinologist, a genealogist, an obstetrician, a mechanic, a fourteen-year-old boy, a grizzly bear and a Las Vegas pimp all checking her out, giving their feedback. As any married man can attest to, all they need to do here is have her load a dishwasher. If she can get more than nine things in she’s a dude.


Apple
When I’m going to give the coffee barista my change, as a tip, I’d rather just walk away before they’ve handed me my change. I say let them dump it into the tip jar. Not only does it make them work a little harder for the tip, but part of me always wonders if people watching think they’re just greasing their own pockets.


Moustache
Of all the stories I’ve heard about an NFL player tucking a loaded gun into the band of his sweat pants and then shooting himself in the leg at a crowded nightclub, Plax’s is definitely the funniest.


Apple
I have some terrible news. I hope you’re sitting down. Juicy Couture no longer carries or will make men’s clothing. Sure, laugh. Asshole. But this has ruined my whole weekend.


Moustache
Is Usain Bolt getting faster? How is that even possible? Let me put this feat (no pun intended) in language that you degenerates can understand. Think of your favorite porn star; now think of her (or him if that’s what stirs your Pina Colada) in her absolute best scene, the pinnacle, your go-to. Now add 5 dicks. Suddenly it’s not just a legendary scene; it’s testing the fucking limits of possibility, of human ability. That’s where we are with Bolt, it’s getting ridiculous. How does someone shatter two world records with 6 dicks in him?


Apple
I just became friends with my drug dealer on Facebook. Sweet!


Moustache
There is a badass new blog that’s burst onto the Husky Basketball scene. Check out montlakemadness.com. This site is the real deal. With exclusive player interviews and insight from a true fan it’s quickly turning into the go-to location for Husky basketball. Plus we hear that the guy who writes it gives great head. Just saying.




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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here's a plan that's "win win" (I love people that talk like that) I think what you do is you give $50to Usain Bolt and set him up with the South African runner and they go and have a cheap but tasteful dinner and then go see the Time Traveler movie which will obviously get them both all sweaty and hot and then see if the sex they have produces a baby. If they can't then she's a guy. If they can then you have the only person in the world who can challenge Usain Bolt's world records which when he finishes lowering them will stand for a long time. You're welcome.!

sandy mangina said...

You are wrong, Bolt's records won't last just like all the greats before him. People said Ben Johnson's steroid helped time of 9.79 in 1988 would never be beaten without cheating. People said Micheal Johnson's Micheal Jordanish dominant world record in the 200 would never be beaten. Records like these will always be broken due to new generations becoming increasingly freakishly athletic. Records like Cal Ripken's games played straight will never be broken, that record is built on hard knocks, durability and dedication.

You are also wrong in thinking that Bolt would fornicate with such a troll that even has to have tests done to prove that she actually has a real vagina.

Micheal Johnson is the man! Gold shoes, much class, fuckin badass!

Emily said...

What the hell is going on here? Are you guys feuding, or did you just break your blog? There's a salve for that, ya know. In either scenario.

Anonymous said...

So you guys are pretty much done with this blog then?

Concerned said...

Is A & M dead?

Anonymoose said...

Do you two know that it's fucking football season? I can't believe that this is the time that you stop posting. Borrow a duche from your ladies and get that fucking sand out of your vagina's. The Huskies have a huge game against LSU in less than 26 hours. Fire it up! I've been a quiet reader for a long time, but this is bullshit. I feel I have to let you know that I hate you more and more every day that doesn't have a new post, and I've hated you both for years. Especially you Magglio, but especially Jericho.

New post idea #1
How much fun would a night out in Tampa be with Kellen Winslow and Jerramy Stevens be? If somebody is not in jail by 4 am I'd be supremely dissapointed.

#2
What is bigger? Magglio's balls or Jericho's labia?

#3
When will people realize how good Jake Locker is? I think I'd have his baby if I were Arnold in Junior.

#4
How did a movie as shitty as Junior ever get made?

#5
The Giants. One thing we can all agree on is that LinceCain rule the NL (AAAA minor league)