Friday, August 21, 2009
Raise up off these N-U-T-Z
By Magglio and Jericho -
I like when fat chicks wear hats. All hats. Big floppy hats, indie wool knit hats, even berets. It makes me giggle. Every time. Hey, they’re trying. And I find it very endearing. It's like when Heinz invents a new ketchup bottle. It screws, or you tap it, or it goes upside down, but no matter what they put on top, it’s still just ketchup.
You have to love all of the tests they are doing to determine whether that South African runner is actually a woman. At last report they had a gynecologist, an endocrinologist, a genealogist, an obstetrician, a mechanic, a fourteen-year-old boy, a grizzly bear and a Las Vegas pimp all checking her out, giving their feedback. As any married man can attest to, all they need to do here is have her load a dishwasher. If she can get more than nine things in she’s a dude.
When I’m going to give the coffee barista my change, as a tip, I’d rather just walk away before they’ve handed me my change. I say let them dump it into the tip jar. Not only does it make them work a little harder for the tip, but part of me always wonders if people watching think they’re just greasing their own pockets.
Of all the stories I’ve heard about an NFL player tucking a loaded gun into the band of his sweat pants and then shooting himself in the leg at a crowded nightclub, Plax’s is definitely the funniest.
I have some terrible news. I hope you’re sitting down. Juicy Couture no longer carries or will make men’s clothing. Sure, laugh. Asshole. But this has ruined my whole weekend.
Is Usain Bolt getting faster? How is that even possible? Let me put this feat (no pun intended) in language that you degenerates can understand. Think of your favorite porn star; now think of her (or him if that’s what stirs your Pina Colada) in her absolute best scene, the pinnacle, your go-to. Now add 5 dicks. Suddenly it’s not just a legendary scene; it’s testing the fucking limits of possibility, of human ability. That’s where we are with Bolt, it’s getting ridiculous. How does someone shatter two world records with 6 dicks in him?
I just became friends with my drug dealer on Facebook. Sweet!
There is a badass new blog that’s burst onto the Husky Basketball scene. Check out montlakemadness.com. This site is the real deal. With exclusive player interviews and insight from a true fan it’s quickly turning into the go-to location for Husky basketball. Plus we hear that the guy who writes it gives great head. Just saying.