Tuesday, September 30, 2008
And he could play a guitar just like he's ringing a bell
Six Fuck Yous for the Football Season:
1. Fuck You Ben Rothlisberger, you chubby chinned motherfucker. Quit grinning and make a play. Your defense continues to bail you out and you constantly look like you’re about to fall over. Why are you good again? I’m over you Ben Rothlisberger.
2. Fuck You Ladanian Tomlinson. Quit scaring me and every other fantasy owner this season. Your half assed attempts at running the ball for 3 and a half quarters and then breaking a few runs is getting old. Step it up for the whole game. Have you seen your Vizio commercial? You’re unstoppable!!!! Act like it.
3. Fuck You Ty Willingham. You’ve turned my beloved Huskies into the worst team in college football. The team you put together on Saturday against Stanford couldn’t have beat half the high school team’s in the bay area. Your time is up Ty. Pack your bags. Thank you for your service. Enjoy coaching the running backs for the Tukwila Junior Walnuts of the Pop Warner league.
4. Fuck You Al Davis. You’re creepy. And your face looks like its about to melt off. Lane Kiffen has done the best he can with those slap dicks across the bay. If you’re gonna fire him, do it honorably, instead of making him look bad in the process. Remember the 80s? Yeah, neither do we. So leave already. We forgot why anyone cares about you in the first place.
5. Fuck You Brian Griese for doing what you do every season. You show up, put up 400 yards for a few weeks, trick everyone into thinking you’re someone and then duping them into starting you for their fantasy team. Fool me once? Shame on me. Fool me for the 4th year in a row? Oh, that’s crushing me.
6. Fuck you Maurice Jones-Drew for showing up in those lame EA commercials. It’s a veiled way to be cursed and guess what? It’s working! Do what I do when I need a recharge; turn out all the lights, turn on Johnny B. Good real loud, march around the room like you’re the leader of a big old band and do a lot of pelvic thrusts. Oh yeah. I’m feeling better already.
***On a side note, I had the best sports betting weekend of my life. I started Saturday morning with 9 dollars (yes, 9 dollars) and 5 bets later had a small fortune. Check out these picks (and those first 3 aren’t spreads, those are on the money line. Now what’s up):
- North Carolina to beat Miami Fla
- Alabama to beat Georgia
- Parlay Alabama to beat Georgia and the over off 46.5
- The over of 43 in the SD vs. OAK game
- Bears getting -3 on Sunday Night Football.
It almost washed that awful taste of the Washington game out of my mouth. Washington won’t win a game this year. And if they do (see, I can’t bring myself to say ‘we’ anymore) it’ll be so unexpected. Like against Oregon State. Or Cal. Yeah, let’s beat Cal. Those stinky hippies.