Don't be a Pussy

by Jericho

Giving someone parental advice is basically like giving them sex advice. When someone walks up to you at fucking Trader Joe’s or some place and says something like, “Oooh, a cookie at 3pm. Aren’t you brave! I’d never give any of my kids sweets between meals” it’s basically like walking up to a couple, eyeing the chick from head to toe, turning to the dude and pronouncing, “you ever try fucking her from behind with one leg in the air and one leg on the bed? With a frame like that you should really be getting some cirque du soleil pussy.” No one on earth would ever do the latter, so don’t do the former. That’s a long take-this-shit-with-a-grain-of-salt preface for this: I’m raising a boy and I really think raising a boy comes down to teaching him four things: 1. Be kind. 2. Be gracious. 3. Don’t be a pussy. 4. Don’t be a dick. If my kid does those four things in life, then I feel like I’ve done my job. And by the way, I mean you really should fuck her from behind with one leg in the air and one leg on the bed – that’s just common sense.