Apples & Moustaches: How's it going?

Thursday, January 10, 2013

How's it going?

By Magglio

At work, when making casual conversation in hallways, you will receive one of three responses when asking the question ‘how's it going’?

Let me translate what the responder actually means.

“It’s good” - “I could care less about this place. I’ve been on Facebook and Gchat for about 5 hours straight. Now please get out of my way so I can eat some of Leslie’s pound cake she left in the kitchen before those fatties in IT get their sausage fingers all over it.”

“BUSY!” – “I want you to think I work REALLY hard. Yes, I stay at work until 8pm every single day and totally neglect my family/personal time because I believe it gives the perception that I work REALLY hard and am REALLY important. But in actuality I’m terribly inefficient and not really smart cause if I was I could get my work done much quicker and do a blog post on the side all within an 8 hour day.”

“It’s ok” –“Please ask me what’s wrong. I need some positive male attention in my life. I’ve thrown in the towel on my New Year’s resolutions already. My boyfriend/husband told me I’m getting fat. And I’ve just housed some Chipotle alone at my desk while reading TMZ and saying things like ‘that’s too skinny’ to nobody in particular.”

III

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We are Apples and Moustaches

1. Magglio is the handsome one. Jericho is the angry one.
2. We’re dead on with our Box Office predictions. But we only do those during the summer when there are good movies out. I mean, who gives two shits about ‘27 dresses’. We’re also deadly accurate with our Oscar guesses. A word to the wise; never get into a betting situation with Jericho around Oscar time. Trust me on this.
3. We are West Coast centric. When it’s all said and done we want West Coast sports team to horse fuck East Coast sports teams. It’s just the way it goes. Even if that means rooting for a sissy team like Washington State or the Lakers, we’ll do it. That’s just the kind of guys we are.
4. We post once a day. Sometimes twice a day. And if we’re both too hungover then we’ll just put up pictures of hot chicks to fill the space.
5. Magglio once tried to eat a large Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza from Pizza Hut in one hour. He came up half a piece short. He has no question in his mind if he tried it again he could finish the whole pizza, no problem.
6. Our whole goal is to make each other laugh. That’s it. If you don’t like what you’re reading then fuck off. If you love what you’re reading then spread our link all over the blogosphere so we can quit our stupid day jobs.
7. Magglio loves The Hills, Matt Cain/Tim Lincecum and Soy Lattes. Jericho hates baseball and people who use the word "humorous", loves football, movies and has only 5 friends, admittedly by choice.
8. In their lifetime, Magglio and Jericho have gotten in two sanctioned* fist fights with each other. Each won one of the contests with the loser puking in the back yard.
9. We both support Barrack Obama. However, if John Clayton would have been on the ballot undoubtedly that’s where our vote would have gone.
10. We both consider the NFL Draft Day, our fantasy draft day and the Super Bowl as the greatest days of the year. Without question. Better than our birthdays. And better than Christmas.
*We only had 1 set of gloves but luckily Magglio is a righty and Jericho is a lefty. We also were both wasted when the fights took place. Magglio did knock his ass out though. Bitch.