Baby Talk

Nine observations from the best/worst season of The Bachelorette ever.


1 - Ashley mentions Bentley so often that the wife and I started a drinking game. We take shots every time she says his name. That game ended after about 25 minutes last night when neither of us could see straight.


2 - The group date continues to be a complete disaster. From the Thai boxing to the roast to the stupid ass dragon boat racing from last night, you can always count on the group dates being full of awkward moments, tears and homoerotic tension.


3 - I still cannot tell Ben and Constantine apart. They are the same height, have the same dumb hair and both enjoy a finger in the butt. I’m assuming


4 – Ashley is a PR nightmare for women everywhere. She is the whiniest bitch on the planet. She embodies every negative stereotype chicks have to deal with. She’s insecure, she’s clingy, she cries all the time and she baby talks. Plus she fell for the bad guy. Next thing you know she’ll start talking about how she thinks it’s ridiculous she has the right to vote.


5 – If you don’t think JP is winning it all then you’re wrong. And yes, it’s all about winning. This show is far past the fairy tale hoax they once tried to sell. Every guy there is competing for the cover of US Weekly and more random hummers than he could ever hope for. Fact.


6 – I respect Mickey for walking away last night and honestly expect something like that to happen a lot more often. It’s ridiculous to think all of these guys are actually falling for Ashley. None of these dudes would talk to her in real life. Except for Ames. I’m not sure he’s ever even seen a boob in real life. That dude has definitely tried sex with the family cat growing up.


7 – Ashley’s tits went from cute and tiny to big time fun last night. Maybe she’s starting to gain weight like Chantel did last season.


8 – Bentley (take a drink) is definitely going to be next season’s bachelor. He’s good looking, he’s a complete asshole and every chick out there thinks they have what it takes to break through his bad boy image. You don’t think ABC can see this? Hell, I can see this.


9 – Too bad Blake and Ryan can’t make an appearance on this season’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Rivals. They’d get worked by CT and Adam. But that’s another post for another time.




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