Six Quick Thoughts About the Summer Box Office
1 - Warner Brothers reportedly spent close to $400m (production + marketing) on The Green Lantern. Read that sentence again. Who the fuck thought that this was a good idea? I wouldn't see this movie if I was on fire. Speaking of how bloated and tired the superhero genre is, anyone seen the trailer for Captain America? Man, Hollywood doesn't just beat a dead horse it brings it to parties and makes its arms move like Weekend At Bernie's. "Look, the superhero genre is waterskiing! It's dancing to Fine Young Cannibals and smoking a cigar! You know what? We should approve a $400m budget for a movie about a hero that no one has heard of starring a guy that no guy likes."
2 - Poor Jim Carrey. One of the most talented actors ever – not just of his generation – EVER and he's stuck making Mr. Popper's Penguins. How did we get here? Is Jim Carrey the LeBron of movies or is it the other way around?
3 - Johnny Depp's contract for Pirates 4 included $35m up front and 10% of the global gross. At last count, the movie has made $953m, good for 11th all time and is in position to be the eighth movie to pass the $1 billion mark. Depp's payday: $130m.
4 - Speaking of Pirates, remember all of the scrutiny surrounding the first movie? Disney is doing what? A movie about a theme park with an indie actor as the lead; how could that possibly work? The end result: 4 movies, 3 of which are in the top 10 all time (#4, #9 and #10, with the original making a paltry $654m and ranking# 48), $3.6 billion in worldwide gross and that indie actor is now the most marketable actor in the world.
5 - Speaking of that indie actor, when you throw Alice in Wonderland into the mix ($1 billion gross, #6 all time), Depp has starred in 4 of the biggest 10 movies of all time. He's had 6 movies cross the $200m mark domestically, 4 cross #300m and 2 cross #400m. 8 movies have opened with $30m+, 5 have opened with $50m+ and 4 have opened with $90m+. We used to talk about Hanks, Will Smith, Eddie Murphy and Harrison Ford as the rulers of the box office, but it's Depp's throne now.
6 - I bet you $1,000 that if you went through JJ Abrams' porn collection you would find that: a) he dubs all of the voices with this own and b) he recuts every scene so they are completely out of order and confusing. Fan: "JJ, what was going on with the handjob in the middle? Whose hand was it? And why did the girl sound like you?" JJ: "There are a lot of theories, the most pervasive and maybe the one I like the best, is the idea that WE are the hand and the WORLD is the dick and balls." (Am I still bitter about the last season of Lost 14 months after it ended? You bet you're fucking ass I am.)