Tuesday, August 9, 2011
By Magglio and Jericho...
At 25 I was only interesting in nailing the ditzy blonde. Today I just ask my wife to role play the ditzy blonde. Like Luda said "we want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed."
At 25 my wardrobe consisted largely of Snoop Dogg Clothing and Wu-Wear. Today it’s more about button down shirts and form fitting jeans. Don’t think I lost my street edge though. I’ll still blast a muthafucka.
At 25 I jerked off at least twice a day. Today, well, I still jerk off at least twice a day. I just have someone to help me out.
At 25 I used to smoke weed and do stuff. Clean my apartment; pay bills; grocery shop; go to the gym; organize my closet. Today if i get high I can barely perform my basic functions as a mammal. "I don't want to breathe right now, too fucking tired."
At 25 I started Rudi Johnson and LaMont Jordan at running back for my fantasy team. This year I’m hoping to start Jamal Charles and Ryan Williams.
At 25 I thought Jack White was a prophet sent from above. Today, I’m even more certain of his immortality.
At 25 I ate at Taco Bell on average 3 times a week. Today, I can’t remember the last time I went to a Taco Bell. I’m assuming their sales have plummeted since I opted out of their Grade D meat.
At 25 I took orders. Today I give them. Booyah.
At 25 I drank Captain Morgan’s with Diet Coke. Today I drink High West on the rocks.
At 25 I wondered if the Giants would ever win it all. Today I wonder if I’ll ever stop smiling/bragging/dancing/shit talking after last season’s incredible run.
At 25...I liked a finger in the butt. Not in a gay way, in a "I heard this makes blow jobs even more awesome" way. And it did. For a while. Eventually though, you have that moment when you realize, "Jesus Christ, there's a finger in my butt right now.” Sure, it's kinda awesome, but there's a fucking finger in my butt." 25 years old. What a place. Anyway, I like three fingers in there now.