We're fucked for sure

By Magglio and Jericho


Apple
I got drunk this weekend and made a stupid bet. (By the way, nobody is surprised by that sentence.) I bet a dude that the NFL lockout would end today. If it does I get $500 bucks. If it doesn’t then I owe him $20. The latest from camp is that Roger Goddell is ensuring the West Coast will continue to get fucked on the MNF start time and DeMaurice Smith is having a hard time deciding which hat to wear the next time he exits a meeting. So much for progress. Pricks.


Moustache
My final tally for Sunday’s bbq: 3 bratwursts, 4 cheeseburgers and enough potato salad to make one’s eyes emit mayonnaise. Talk about feeling like an American. So much for my vegetarian kick.


Apple
Guys it would be fun to fight: Novak Djocavek, Tom Cruise, James Spader, Justin Timberlake, Wendi Nix, Al Roker, Jimmy Fallon


Moustache
Transformers 3 just had the 2nd biggest worldwide opening of all time – finishing the holiday weekend with over $380m combined. What the fuck is going on? In Zynga's IPO filing it was revealed that its revenue is up 319% in 2010? What the fuck is going on? The hotdog eating contest was the lead story on SportsCenter last night. What the fuck is going on? America's Got Talent was the #1 show in America last week. What THE FUCK is going on? Forget Global Warming. This is the real proof that our planet is fucked.


Apple
Retro things are sorta cool in a sorta cliché hipster sorta way. You know what’s not cool? Having a discman. I saw some dude at the gym yesterday carefully balancing his discman on his lap while he was lifting weights. That’s not cool. Sweatbands, now those are cool. But a discman? You’re trying too hard bro.


Moustache
Forgot that Five Hour Energy poison; if you really want to perk yourself up at 2:30, here's what you do: Head to the bathroom, grab a stall and take your pants off. Nothing lewd (unless that's your thing), just kick off your shoes, hang your pants on the hook, take a piss with your boxers at your ankles, then step back, do a few calf raises to get the twins swinging, then right back to your day. You're gone from your desk for five minutes top and will be reenergized for the rest of the day. Trust me. It's very refreshing.




III