What Would John Bowker Do?

Apple
Some fuck at the Air Force ripped off the White Stripe’s ‘Fell in Love With A Girl’ for their latest commercial. What is that dude thinking? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. Jack is going to rip his dick off, make a guitar out of it, give it to Loretta Lyn as a gift and she’s going to record a song entitled ‘Jack gave me this dick guitar and I gave the world this song.’


Moustache
A few years back a bunch of dudes we went to school with came down to San Francisco for the Cal/UW football game. We all met at a bar the night before the game and for one reason or another Jericho couldn’t make it out. So, what did I do? Being the good friend I am of course I told them all that Jericho had officially come out of the closet while living in SF. And his girlfriend is cool with it they just use a strap-on now for his satisfaction. Fuck that story still makes me laugh. You realize there’s a large portion of our classmates in Seattle who heard about this and still believe Jericho is gay. That’s what friends are for.


Apple
Human sexuality is such a uniquely individual thing that it’s hard to really pinpoint the sluts from the saints at a glance. However, I feel pretty confident about the following statement: Pink has had poop in her mouth. Not sure where, why, whose or how, but if my life depended on it, I’d say there’s been some poo in there at some point.


Moustache
People’s insecurities and inflated sense of self has never been more on display. This whole thing about doppelgangers on Facebook is seriously out of control. People sure do think they’re a whole lot better looking than they really are huh? In other news, do you know that I look just like Tom Brady minus the hair, chin, face and super bowl rings? Other than that…a dead ringer.


Apple
Who would you rather have sex with? Brooklyn Decker, Abe Vigoda, Kim Kardashian or the robot who keeps spamming our site? Kinda a toss up in my book.



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